It has been almost 12 years since I am staying away from my family. Recently I realized the fact which came as a shock. 12 Y-E-A-R-S! How could this much time passed without giving any hint?
Durga Puja is Bengali's biggest festival,everybody knows. Basically the essence of this festival is,daughters go to their parental home during these days. But this year also, I couldn't manage to go back to Kolkata,to meet my family. My mom asked me several times if I can manage leaves. But that was quite impossible,that was the most active period of the year. Moreover I had few seminars and conferences to attend. At the last moment,a holiday was declared for Dussera when no ticket was available. Which kind of adjectives I was using for the management I really can't share,but other than cursing them,nothing was left for me. I could utilize the free days to roam around and participate in Local Puja,which was being organized in front of out estate. But the sudden break in my daily chores put a big question mark in front of me. It gave me some time to think and have a recap. Of what,that I am going to discuss here.
In my childhood days,I used to wait for months for this festival. At that time,Puja signified unlimited holidays,new dresses, freedom and entertainment for most of the kids. But for me it was somehow different. In these days,I used to see an uncommon smile on my mom's face,which I loved the most. It looked like somebody has given a spring under her feet. That everyday's irritated,strict, punishing mom used to transform into a kind,warm hearted mom,who would not say "No" to each and everything I wanted to do. "Mom,shall I go and fetch some "Sheuli" (a kind of flower that bloom only in autumn)?" "Yes,but be careful of caterpillars". Other times? "No need,just don't waste your time in silly things!"
It was the same about going to puja venues or eating "Chaat" with friends. I cherish those god-gifted moments which have been permanently imprinted on my memory for rest of my life. How could I forget my mom,sitting on a rickshaw,carrying balloons and distributing to the under-privileged children near our house? This was the magic of Autumn,and obviously,of Ma Durga. Those days were dipped in dew, with a fragrance of Sheuli and clear as the sky in autumn. No complications,no irritations,and above all... no competitions! The last day of Puja was the saddest one for me,somehow it indicated that all of my happiness was going to be over, which I disliked the most. But it brought the promise also,that next year, again the same kind of happiness is coming back. Nothing lasts forever,but at least the assurance was there.
Now,in this complicated life of mine,all the vices are on full attack. But that assurance bade farewell forever. Now when I look forward,I see no end. It's like a roller coaster ride,with a small difference. You know at last your feet will be on the ground at the end of this journey. But what about me? I am nowhere! All these busy schedules,running like mad,serving like slaves---- all will get over one day. Then what? I don't know. I don't see a single person at the end of that journey waiting for me. Family? I can't say. They are getting old, at any time their journey will be over and I will be left alone. Then? Many things which I loved the most are lost by now. When they were there,I didn't understand the value of their presence. I had to repent after those were lost, at that moment I could feel how precious were those,for me. I don't want to repeat the same mistake again and again. I want to go back to my mom,helping her in daily chores. I want to put my head on the lap of my granny and listen to her endless chatter. I want to oil the hair of my aunt and make a braid. I want to go out with my sister and have pani-puri from roadside. But are these things possible for me? No way!!!!!
My extended family and my job don't allow me a single day leave. Necessity of money at this moment of life is capable enough to drown any other need,especially if it is emotional. I can escape from the job also,but what about the family? There is no break from that 365-days demanding work. Sometimes I feel that managing a family efficiently and effectively is much more complicated that managing an office. This is silently robbing my time,making my emotional needs more fragile. I fear some days it will be left no more. At that time I will also behave like those so-called corporate "Robots". I really don't want to be one,but who's listening? I watch helplessly when the time slips away.
I don't want to repent for rest of my life. I don't want all these precious moment to be wasted. That's why I am planning a short trip to Kolkata next month. At least I will be able to meet my family. I will see the beloved ones,will spend some time with them.Who know when this journey ends? I don't want to have any regret. This year I could not make it in Puja,but at last I am going home. All the daughters go. The greatest god,Lord Shiva couldn't stop Ma Durga to visit her parental house----how dare some silly works stop me? After all,each lady has the power Ma Durga in her,isn't it?
