College Life, Dreams, Awards and 14th Feb 2012
"And this shall also pass away....... "
I had a dream.
The dream to win...
The Dream to achieve something for which I can cheer throughout my life
Since My childhood, I was just a normal student. Somebody who was average in studies and extracurricular but very poor in sports. Somebody who never always participated in different indoor competition but never won any of them. Somebody who wanted to participate outside the school, but never got any chance because his friends always overtook him. Still, I was well recognized by most of the school (or may be that was just illusion from my side that most of the people recognize me).
After schooling, days were nightmare, Life had taught many things in all forms, Life had practically shared me how unexpected happening can change the phase and direction of life. I was left shattered, cried alone, prayed and asked my God why such things happened in my life? God Replies was from Jeremiah 29:11-14 and Isaiah 55:8.
Somehow I could manage to get admission for my Degree College.
This time also I had a dream.
The Dream to achieve something which can be cheerful for rest of my life.
At a Glance, When People used to see me, Suraj Ghimire was a guy full of confidence and dedicated man. But inner side of me knew that how broken and devastated and low confidence I was. The guilt of never winning any prizes or trophy was a fear factor I didn't want to participate in any program, still the inner side of me was saying, "You should not stop...."
Writing was something which had started bringing my confidence back to let me know more about myself. They helped me lot. The platform given by Mouthshut.com to interact with groups of writers was a turning phase while their star writer status given to me, something I never deserved brought new hope in me that I can do something. More ever Joining NSS in first Year College was a huge boost while leading the college NSS team as student volunteer had brought things in its place. Things Started getting improved gradually......
Every Year, Our College had an award. "Best all-rounder Students of the Year". I had unsuccessfully reached the final round of this competition year 2011. Even in the year 2012, I reached till final round for which personal interview was scheduled to be on Tuesday, 14th Feb 2012.
I made a dream. The dream was to win this award so that I shall be cheering of this for Years to come...
Never in My life had I ever wanted the Credit of works I had done, nor do I believe in Credits today. I really don't know what made me think so much of that award. I felt I deserve it and I really need it to build confidence in my life. I don't know why I thank that this award is so my necessity.....
I felt, my profile is very strong to win this award. I felt my work and dedication for the college activities are incomparable with the other competitors. I felt... I felt and I felt many such things till I knew something more......
In the day of Interview, The main judge was our vice-principal cum Head of Department of Mathematics. Having someone from my own department should have been the joy but for me it was not the same. He was somebody who knew every of my weak and negative point. I felt dreams going away....
I felt interview was very good but to every question my HOD had for me, I could give satisfactory reply to none of them. I was afraid the award will run away from me.....
And yeah, the same happened. A two week before University exam began, a girl from MSc was declared as winner. My inner conflict started discussing in me. What more shattered me is the way winner was declared. I again presumed "She nowhere deserves that award as she was never active in any of the college activities".
I was furious about the judgment. I was disappointed by My HOD for raising questions which I thought they were invalid. I even had anger on that girl who was given that award. I felt I can't forgive any of them. I felt sad for not getting my dream. I was furious for snatching my dreams which I presumed it's only me who deserved that. I was sad and really helpless.
It took me several weeks to recover from this incident. I wake up slowly but that situation had already affected my Study-progress, my personal life and my relations with those people associated with awards.
One year later, as today while I sit and think on all this, I have realized I had never lost any awards. If I had lost anything that was my good relations with those people whom I felt I can't forgive.
My HOD had correctly judged me and I thank him for giving me only those things which I deserved. I personally thank him for bringing me to the world of Reality. I will always be grateful to you for you knew me more than what I had presumed on myself.
In comments...
