Oh You actually thought so? That I'll write some nice mushy mushy gooey post celebrating my mom? Sorry! There’s enough of it around! You actually thought that this chauvinistic arrogant male pig called Vineet would write something celebrating mom? And somehow in MS everyone seems to be that perfect child - Me toh that rebel-nautanki-never listended to mom, always questioning God and even asked for cocaine in previous DP! I'm happy that Mom's not around! Oh I love not answering when will I be back home at night!
Me and my Mom have war's - It's Maa - Bharat at our homes! Each time I hear friends go – “Oh woh ghar ka Khana ke liya tarstha hoon.." Oh Lord! Not Again. I reach home or when mom drops by here, it's as if a dietician is there with loads of Garlic dishes - Oh because Garlic is good for health you see! It doesn't matter that she forgets to add too much of it - It's all good for health. Yeah Right! She also doubles up as an ITC Chef courtesy that Khana Khazana dude(forgot his name but apparently I'm told he's clean shaven now) - She tries to impress me with the most unheard dishes being prepared with the same masala but given different names thanks to that dude! And even if it's good I pretend it's not! Oh Yes I do! As she considers my finished plate as the biggest endorsement to her culinary skills and that encourages her!
And then when she drops by home here -I turn into an absolute angel! No bad habits! Get the drift??? I breathe Fresh air, I drink only Juice! I come home early - Oh what a beautiful feeling it is you see. I just love being a good boy in front of her - Do I have a choice - She'll drop by and her list of complaints are out - "See how dirty the house is - You haven't cleaned this that, your Bedroom is all messed up, Your skin is all messed up!"(What!!! My skin???) And the bunch of Ayurveda creams, tablets I should have! "Don't have Pizza/McDonald's, chips, Pepsi (long list) - Its isn't good for your health" - And my trauma continues, more of those withdrawal symptoms - My Angel behaviour is a result of me just meditating and trying to be as calm as possible! What were you thinking??? - Oh Yes I do go like "Mom- Just shut up!!!"
And Oh I'm no Raj of “Dilwale Dulhania...” - Who says that Mom is the most beautiful woman - This proud chavunistic pig defines her dress! No Sarees for my Mom! Or else I ain't having food for next 3 days! And in defense of my rare male tribe - Most of us actually don't like Mom wearing sarees okay! And it's not just me and it's very instinctive. Oh yes but she is a Mom right from Karan Johar's imagination - Loves to Cry at the drop of the hat! Oh and she would love the fact that I appear in one of his films and go like "mera beta hero hai!!!!!"
And Rahul Dravid has been a pain in my life! Each time I watched him bat and went gaga with Dad over his cover drive, my Mom would go like - "See, He is a very Nice boy. That's why he plays so well." Oh Lord - Each time I went out in the sun/heat to play you were worried of my skin and studies - You wanted me to become some good looking scientist that will land up on Mars and never return. Right???And I'm sure for many brats like me Dravid has been the pain in the neck - Obviously any obidient, nice guy, disciplined boy like him would be to many mothers - The benchmark Son!!!
And the worst is the 'Goodbyes' at the Airport - She would wanna reach out to your cheeks to give that Kiss while you are desperately trying to avoid it.Then quickly try and Rub off that lipstick! And at times you wish you were never part of that social construct that believes if a man cries, he's weak. How I wish that I could shed that entire contrived make believe "macho-cool" thing just for that one moment and bring out that hidden and locked-for-ages sensitive side of you and just give her a big tight hug at the airport as if nobody is watching. -You yes wanna shed all the inhibitions and tell her how guilty you feel when you got angry at her and just cry and cry but you can't as the world thinks its not cool.....
All you mom's out there - If your son doesn't say how much he loves please don't criticise him. It's just difficult to say it even though we do! Because it ain't cool. Mom - I can't tell you that I you! It's difficult, but trust me I do. Someone who quietly put that extra sweet once from parties in her purse so that you could eat them at home.In those lonely nights at home you wish mom sat beside me and she'll whisper something nice about me -"Don't stay awake so late at night. It is not good for health. I told you this before. Look at Rahul Dravid" - Oh Christ! Not again!!!!
