Wanted to write something on the Mumbai event concerning Keenan and Reuben. Thought would share my views in the form of an email I wrote to Barkh Dutt. Edited for the 5000 charcter limit.
Barkha,
When I was watching the show on Keenan Santos, I couldn’t help but cringe. And was at the same time itching to write to you while watching the show. Now I have lived in Mumbai for the past 10 years and unlike many, wouldn’t like to resort to the argument that Mumbai is safer than XYZ(though it is) as the argument somehow hints of the sin being absolved and almost feels like as if it was a one–off case.
But like many, and I hate to say this (though it’s amongst the several views that you would have received), I would have walked away. Having being in this city, I have seen what are supposedly crimes like a Man beating up his wife, fights around slum dwellers where probably the drunk husband is at his wife. I have ignored and moved on. Am I a coward? Am I that individual who does have the courage to stand up?
I’d like to put it differently. There are 3 reasons why we are conditioned to ignore such events as part
1.“It’s none of your business and don’t try and be a ‘super hero’”. This might be part cowardice part pragmatic – I don’t have the capcity to fight 40 people and a bunch of goons though deep inside I want to help and help desperately lest I carry the guilt for the rest of my life for being a bystander. But the fact is that I wouldn’t know what to do and whether what I do would make any difference. This is not the Santos case but more in general.
2.Practical events – The fact is that many events you hear of let’s say the wife being saved by the brutal husband turns against the good Samaritan. We’ve heard cases where suddenly the any victim let’s say a wife would accept the fact that she is slapped and that it’s an internal matter. Somehow there is also an internal acceptance by the supposed victim that these are ‘part of life’ and the consequences go beyond it. This is way more complex than the way I put it.
I have grown in the Gulf. Women have been harassed there by the locals. Now as a Kid growing up, I have seen several of these events of how men have ‘touched’ my Mom(feel uncomfortable saying this) inappropriately and surely this has happened to several parents/women everywhere. At Job interviews and at workplaces there is always an abuse. But does it make sense to fight? To say that I will fight it in a place I can’t call my own, where my primary purpose is to earn a living, where my mom worked to support the family, where there is no media to run a Jessica lal kinda justice, biased lawyers. So what does she do? Go to court? Had we fought, there would be much more to fight. We are Ok now and I hate to say this but it did make sense to ignore it given the situation. And no, the situation would not have improved had we fought. Mind you, this is a problem as because events of sexual abuse there are taken in the stride an people are okay with it. A labourers wife will never have the courage to resort to means to seek justice. Those are real heavy words.
3.Law and justice – Like I said earlier, to get into something and drag myself though my intention would be only help out a victim is scary. I am not sure how this would impact my work, my family and their priorities. And also, may Keenan’s family have all the strength, but if Keenan hadn’t died, would we even bother? Would you bother? I doubt. And that’s why many similar events/issues are ignored.
Barkha, I might be accused of being another coward. Well Maybe, but all I have stated is the reason why if tomorrow there is another such event, why I, like many, would ignore it. Calling those individuals cowards might not help, rather more importantly is to address those issues for which at least individuals like me who would want to help, would lend a hand. Maybe instead that we criticize the individuals, we need to discuss what probably would make those by-standers including me to have more courage to help…….
