Inter caste marriages - what's wrong with it?. Review on India, General

I am a big movie buff and so are my parents. So, I have been watching movies since I was conceived in my mom?s stomach (forgive me but I do not know the technical term). Anyway, that is not what this topic is about. I have probably watched all movies released till date. When I was young and came across a movie like Ek Duje Ke Liye, it always intrigued me.

The movies and TV serials showed love stories, which were not allowed to be materialized in a marriage by their family because of caste considerations. I always thought whether it was a reality or it is merely a story ? just like most movies are.

But when I grew up and started going to college and became mature (well I think I am mature, my mom still thinks I am that little innocent kid), I came across a few incidences that made me believe that what is shown in movies is partly a reality. I will go through a few cases before expressing my views on the subject.

Case 1:

My best friend is a Brahmin. Poor guy fell in love with a Kathiawadi Patel girl in his college. Kathiawadi Patels hail from Saurashtra and are considered to be the most orthodox community in Gujarat. The girl was afraid of telling about her love to the family. My friend fortunately had full support from his family.

As soon as the study was over and my friend got a decent job, they both secretly got married in Arya Samaj. My friend?s family was there but no one from the bride?s family was there because they were not aware of the event.

After the marriage, the girl gathered courage and visited her family. My friend wanted to go with her but she did not allow. She told her parents about the marriage. Initially, the family created a hell but eventually they realized that there was no other option but to accept the fact. They did accept it and all is well now. Had she told the family before the marriage, I am damn sure the family would have put her on house arrest and would have married her with someone from her caste.

Case 2

A guy in my college, again a Brahmin fell in love with a Muslim girl. They both wanted to get married, obviously. In this case, they both told their families since they thought their families were progressive and would not have any objection to it. Well, they were simply wrong. There was stiff resistance. Severe restrictions were put on the girl. She was not allowed to attend the college. Only on her insistence, the family allowed her to sit in the final examination. The guy?s friends suggested him to contact Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP) for help. VHP immediately agreed to help since the guy was marrying a Muslim girl and eventually convert her to a Hindu. Anyway, all in all it was for a good cause.

On the last day of exam, VHP talked with the principal and obtained his approval of letting the lovebirds sit in the exam about an hour earlier than others so they could leave earlier than others. They even worked out a secret back route to escape since the main entrance was strictly guarded by the girl?s family. They escaped and got married. Guy?s parents accepted the marriage but unfortunately, the girl?s family did not!

Case 3

This is the most intriguing case of all. My sister?s close friend ? they both did their bachelors in the same institute (arguably best commerce institute in Ahmedabad and very difficult to get in). She is a bright and sharp girl. Her mother is literate by government standards but illiterate by any other standards (she has studied up to fifth standard). She got her bachelors at the age of 20. She wanted to study further but the family did not allow. She managed to get a good job but again the family did not allow. You would think why! Well, this is what happened. The mom was eager to get her daughter married. The reason for not allowing further study and job was that she would then become too qualified to find a suitable match in the caste. Nobody in their cast was as educated as she was in the first place.

So they finally found a match who they thought was well educated (2nd Class B. Comm from one of the worst institute of Ahmedabad and that in Gujarati Medium). She insisted on having my sister at her home when they were having their first ?meeting?. Reluctantly, my sis agreed. After the meeting where they talked only for 5 minutes, she liked the guy but did not say aye or nay because she wanted to ?consult? my sis first. Sis was against it because the guy was not well mannered during the conversation. Sis also thought that he was not suitable for the friend for few other reasons. The friend liked him only because he looked handsome. But she decided to give it a long thought to my sis?s observations.

Meanwhile, the mom started creating hell at home. ?If you reject his guy, there is no one better than him in our caste. You will always remain unmarried. Blah blah??Finally she had had enough and she gave in. It has been 7+ years now. Somehow, the husband got to know about my sis?s observations about him and since then the friend is not allowed to talk with my sis. My sis had the friend have talked with each other merely 3 to 4 time in last 7 years.

Secondly, her in-laws were treating her like garbage and she got fed up. One day she came back to the parents? home permanently with her baby. Poor girl did not find any support even then. Her mom again started creating hell. ?You have a younger sister. If you do all this who in our caste will marry your sister?. She gave in and went back. Never heard of her since then.

My Thoughts:

Why should caste be a consideration for marriage, or for any relationship! The night before my first day in college, my dad told me ? ?Son, if you fall in love with someone, just come home and tell me. I will never object to it because I have full confidence in you.? Even my parents? marriage in 1975 was an inter caste marriage.

With utter surprise and curiosity, I dared to ask the mom (case 3) why she thought caste was important. Here goes the conversation.

Mom: ?If you marry someone outside of your caste, you don?t find place even in hell. You soul will never rest in peace.?

Me: ?That means that my parents, me and my sister will not find place even in hell and our souls will never rest in peace.?

Mom: ?Well I don?t know about your caste but in our caste it is said so.?

Me: ?Who said so.?

Mom: ?It is our tradition, which has been going on for generations.?

Me: ?Nobody has ever married outside in your caste.?

Mom: ?Yes someone did and the whole caste boycotted him/her.?

Me: ?So you are sure their soul will never rest in peace.?

Mom: ?Yes?.

Me: ?Well, I think you are the real loser in this scenario. I think you will surely find a place in hell because you ruined your daughter?s life.?

I don?t need to mention her reaction here. The conversation ended right there. What is really unfortunate is that in all these cases the parents were well educated by the standards of 1970s (Dad in the Case 3 is an M. Comm.). If the educated lot cannot come out the prison of outdated thinking, what can be expected from educationally backward people!

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