Did they just take you out of the oven? Because you’rehot!
~~~~~
If you were a newhamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
~~~~~
Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tellher I just met the girl of my dreams.
~~~~~
Hey, I might not be the cutest guy here,
but I am the only one talking to you.
~~~~~
A guy goes up to this girl in a barand says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said, you look fat in those pants."
One day this guy and I were having our usual battle of wits (not very hard ,but a bit challenging.)
He said, "You're just a couple of ants away from being a picnic."
I came back with, "And you're just a couple of grapes away from being a complete fruit!"
~~~~~
Man: If I were to rewrite the alphabet, I would put U andI together.
Woman: Yeah?! Well, if I were to rewrite the alphabet I would put F and U together.
Get my point?!
~~~~~
Matt: Hey baby, I got 2 tickets 2 the Tampax race do youwanna come with?
Megan: OMG honey, of course I do, but how did you git the tickets?
Matt: Oh let's just say I pulled some strings. LOL!
Female Comebacks
Man: Haven't Iseen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: Fine with me, I don't care where you go after we're done in the car.
~~~~~
You look like amillion bucks! (All green and wrinkled.)
~~~~~
Why don't you slipinto something more comfortable...like a coma.
~~~~~
I never forget aface...but in your case I'll make an exception!
~~~~~
What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
~~~~~
Nice perfume. Mustyou marinate in it?
~~~~~
100,000 sperm tochoose from, and you were the fastest.
~~~~~
I may be fat, butyou're ugly, and I can diet.
~~~~~
I'm not cheap, butI am on special this week.
~~~~~
Seen on T-Shirts:
So Few Men, So FewWho Can Afford Me
Coffee, Chocolate,Men...Some Things are Just Better Rich
Wanted: MeaningfulOvernight Relationship
My answer is rightit is your question that is wrong.
Some Great Answersto That Stupid Question:
"Why aren't you married yet?"You haven't asked yet.
I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
What? And spoil my great sex life?
Because I just love hearing this question.
Just lucky, I guess.
My fiance is awaiting his/her parole.
I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
It didn't seem worth a blood test.
I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?<
