A guy sliceshis ball in the woods and goes in to look for it. He meets a girl fromthe next fairway looking for her ball. They start to chat and have awonderful little conversation. She suddenly says to him, " You know...you look like my third husband.
"He says, "Oh yeah?", and then asks her how many times she's been married.
"Twice," she replies.
~~~~
I must admit, you brought religion in my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you.
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Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husbandrolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.
~~~~~
You know it's a bad day when your blind date is your ex-wife.
~~~~~
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
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Breaking up. It happens kind of suddenly. One minute you're holding hands walking down thestreet -- and the next minute you're lying on the floor crying and all the goodCD's are missing.-- Kennedy Kasares
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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heardladies-of-the-night there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Vegas, too. I want to see you live on $800 a year."
~~~~~
I broke up with someone, and she said, "You'll never find anyone like me again." And I'm thinking, I hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone just like you? Does anybody end a bad relationship and say, "By the way, do you have a twin?"-- Larry Miller
~~~~~
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
~~~~~
Q: What are a married man's two greatest assets?
A: A closed mouth and an open wallet.
~~~~~
Drivers License
A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," said the friend, "all you need to do is look at her driverslicense. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprise and shock now. "How in heavens name did you find that out?"
And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
~~~~~
Q: Why do divorced men get married again?
A: Bad memory.
