I’ve always wondered why people have so many different sides , why is it that people form opinions about other people just on one meeting or a few meetings or based on what others tell us about them , I’ve always wondered why are people so nasty to one another at one given time and then they get along famously at another time like nothing ever happened , I could never quite understand how people get offended by the use of abusive language when they are angry but then these very same people use more profanity and abuses in a normal conversation more than anybody else and now everything is fine ( A – OK ) nobody’s offended , Why do we have this hidden beast within us that’s asleep (more like the calm before the storm type scenario ) only to be unleashed with tremendous fury and rage on one another whenever we feel provoked or threatened and that’s when all hell breaks loose
I am a sinner and also a victim of the crazy beast within theory , at most times say 8 out of 10 times I am calm , friendly , cheerful , helpful and quite normal ( honestly , I am ) but then there are those unfortunate moments , circumstances where I become this deranged lunatic that just wants to kill anything that moves ,its like a volcano that was sleeping for gazillion years has now erupted with furious rage destroying everything in its path , my mind just stops functioning
I know that there are anger management therapies, yoga, meditation, various methods to fine tune oneself , heal oneself but all this goes out of the window and there is no room for logic or reason during those unfortunate moments, circumstances that can happen to anybody at any time
Times when I am at peace with myself is when I am utterly remorseful and disgusted with myself and I wish I could take it all back and change everything but I know that can never happen and I just keep telling myself that I will learn from my mistakes and not repeat them again, I will control my anger and try reasoning as my preferred method of communication, I always pray to god to forgive me for my sins , over and over again and again , again .....
I try, I really do
But it’s easier said then done
Time and experience helps
Today I am a happily married man and a proud father of an angel daughter and I honestly believe that talking everything out with my wife - right from how my day was , the people I come across on a daily basis till what I feel about this world , everything and the kitchen sink , I just talk it out with my wife Preeti , I try not to keep nothing in because I believe keeping stuff in builds up rage and it keeps building and building and building until one day when its crossed boiling point and then KABOOM !!! just explodes and then there is no one left 2 blame but oneself , talking our mind out to the one person or people that we trust the most helps , according to me and my life experience
I am far from saying that I no longer have the beast within me but I can honestly say I am trying hard to tame the beast and hopefully one day kill the beast within and be a happy monk :-)
