Shivangi, where you are, I am writing this for you, have you ever heard old film songs on Vivid Bharti at All India Radio. Life is like that, if I am correct. I don’t know how correct I am. We can split an atom of water where we gen get one molecule of hydrogen and two of oxygen, but emotions are difficult to split. It split the hearts, blood and everything that comes in their way, sometimes nation’s breaks, family breaks and the whole structure of society breaks. That is how the things move on, but how this relates with you shivangi, I don’t know.
I am not like Sahrukh khan of Darr who says- Kiran loves me kiran loves me not, and kiran loves someone else, or Kiran married someone else. That is how the Hindi film stories made. But shivangi, lets come on the point, this love is a very different, difficult and the most dangerous feeling. I scared being in love, I shiver only to think about the love, it is dangerous just like a crocodile who waits and waits for its prey, and once you caught by it, you have gone completely swallowed, torn into pieces and for few minutes the water becomes red from the blood coming out from your heart and for a while everything stops. So by the way how this feeling comes, I am confused, I searched a lot on Google the chemical composition of love, it has definitions but not the explanations, may be it has but not the definitions I am looking for still not available.
When You pass from nearby of me, I shivers, my feet starts trembling, I remember a sher of Akbar Allahabadi -who Relgadi ki tarah aati hai mein pul ki tarah kapkapa jatan hoon( she comes thundering like a train and I shivers like a bridge). You are no longer with me, you lives somewhere in my dream that is why I try so vehemently to go in sleep, so I could talk to you in dreams. Sometime I keep on asking to myself, where actually you exist- in dreams, in books in fairy tales or in my imaginations. The more I try to seek the answer of these questions it become more frustrations.
We all are in search of someone, someone that exists in our dreams- a utopian construction of this world, when we feel that day will come when everything will be perfectly fine. When rain will fall on its schedule time, when sky will be fresh and then everything will be as perfect as the smile of a child, or the beauty of a flower or the chirping of the birds- The perfect harmony of nature will come, when there will be no war, no communal riots, no death by hunger- everything perfectly in its order. Till then I love you shivangi- Tum aakhir ho kahan?
