However, abusive relationships do not develop into such by one isolated incident. In the majority of cases abuse takes on a certain cycle in the form of escalation, acute incidence, and de-escalation. “The escalation phase of the pattern of abuse may be a period in which the batterer[1] uses a broad range of coercive tactics to control the victim” (barnesjewish.org). This phase can manifest itself in the escalation of any of the forms of domestic abuse.
The acute incidence phase is “an intense show of force [by the abuser] intended to make the victim afraid and to firmly establish the batterer's control over her.” This can be physical, emotional, sexual, or financial (barnesjewish.org). As one woman says:
" My husband is never physically violent with me, but life with him has become unbearable. After many years of empty promises it has come to the point where I do not want him to touch me, but I feel that it is my obligation as his wife to “perform” in the way a wife should. He so often tells me that he “needs” me, that without me he would be lost. I try to be the wife I think he needs; I wish he would stop taking other women to satisfy his needs, and I wish he would stop drinking so much. I feel enormous guilt for not being “enough” for him, sexually. It has come to the point where I do not have much will to live and am “punishing” myself for not being able to satisfy him; I cut myself in intimate places; I feel if I have real wounds, it is a valid reason not to have to be intimate with him. I seriously contemplate suicide, not seeing any other way out of my misery. The only thing that keeps me alive is the children; I cannot leave them motherless (Anonymous)."
The de-escalation phase, also known as the “honeymoon phase” (Gromisch), is the phase in which “[the] abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep [the victim] in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give [the victim] hope that [the] abusive partner has really changed this time” (helpguide.org). It is this last phase in the typical cycle of abuse that often motivates the victim to remain in the relationship, although there are other factors that contribute to a victim’s reluctance to leave: lack of resources[2], traditional thinking[3], responses by services and authorities[4] (Why do Women Stay?). This pattern, or cycle, tends to repeat itself over and over again in an abusive relationship:
Abuse in intimate relationships can manifest itself in many forms, not just physical violence. Although physical violence is easier to detect, it is not necessarily the most damaging form of abuse within intimate relationships, the invisible forms have an extremely traumatic effect on the victims. “Many [express] the opinion that in contrast to physical wounds that can heal over time, verbal and emotional abuse ‘gets inside a woman’s head,’ makes her doubt herself, lowers her self-esteem, and stays with her long after a relationship ends” (14).
In the majority of cases, domestic violence takes on a cycle or pattern which repeats itself and usually becomes worse with every cycle. No matter which form the abuse happens, it has a traumatic effect on the victim. Domestic abuse is serious, and has lasting negative impacts on the lives of its victims.
[1] Batterer = abuser
[2] - Many woman have at least one minor child
[3] - Don’t view divorce as an option.
Believe they are responsible for making their relationship/marriage work.
Believe having children having a bad father is better than no father.
Fear of isolation from society and relatives.
[4] - Social workers and/or religious leaders try to “save the family”.
Police tend to view domestic violence as mere “disputes and may discourage women to press charges.
Attorneys are reluctant to prosecute cases.
Restraining orders do little to protect women and there are too few safe shelter
