Sexual Assaults in intimate relationships are difficult to define. In many cultures being a married woman means that the woman is obligated to fulfill her husband’s wish for sex at all times and in any form. In an October 2006 report, Violence Against Women: A Report of Findings from National Focus Groups with Women and Teen Girls, one of the women in an Asian group said following:
I think I don’t know if I really would look at it as sexual abuse because as a wife I
think you always just think okay, that’s one of your wifely duties to have sex with
your husband, especially in our culture. So I think a lot of women, even though
they don’t want to do it, I think they don’t necessarily see it as sexual abuse
because hey, you’re a wife, you’re supposed to do that. So I think a lot of people
don’t see it that way because you’re married and that’s just one aspect of
marriage (16).
Many women who participated in this report were unsure about how to define sexual abuse within intimate relationships. As one woman in a group discussion said:
I think a lot of people have a hard time believing or agreeing that their husbands
can rape wives. They just think they are in a marriage. They are married to each
other that is a given. If the wife doesn’t want to have sex and the husband forces
himself on her it is rape. A lot of people don’t consider that but it is a form of
abuse (16).
Indeed,defining sexual abusewithin an intimate relationship is not easy. Christian Counselling Online posted anarticle, Can You Identify a Symptom of Emotional Abuse?,in which sexual abuse is defined as:
“A husband who for example treats his wife like a sex object, who is rough, self centered, degrading, or forceful in expressing his sexuality. When a husband is exerting his power and control sexually, it is both physically and emotionally abusive.”
This definition can be used in any intimate relationship between married or unmarried couples.
This brings us to another grave form of abuse: Psychological. An article posted on mamashealth.com defines psychological/emotional abuse as“… the infliction of psychological or emotional suffering or fear, including actions that lead to fear of violence, to isolation or deprivation, feelings of shame, loss of dignity, humiliation, intimidation or powerlessness”. Fisher states that:
Emotional domestic violence is the most pervasive form of domestic abuse, yet it can be the hardest to recognize. People who experience emotional domestic abuse don’t have outward signs of abuse like victims of physical domestic violence.
Fischer goes on to say that “…emotional domestic violence can cause long-lasting trauma.”
According to the report Violence Against Women, many woman found that:
[w]hile physical abuse in the form of hitting is an important threshold, the various
forms of verbal, emotional and psychological control and manipulation [are] perceived
by most women and teens as the more common forms of abuse in intimate
and often as the most “scarring.” Many [express] the opinion that in contrast to physical wounds that can heal over time, verbal and emotional abuse “gets inside a woman’s head,” makes her doubt herself, lowers her self-esteem, and stays with her long after a relationship ends (14).
Abusers often use this form of abuse and are sometimes not aware, or deny, that they
are actually being abusive. “[The abuser] attempts to deny or excuse his behaviour, and
blames his partner for his abusive conduct” (Accountability26).The range of
emotional/psychological abuse, is wide from threats of violence against the victim and/or
children such as: “I have thought of killing you and the children, and then committing
suicide” (Wilfried); using the children as a means of manipulating the victim: “if you and I
separate you are breaking up the family, you are robbing the children of an intact
family”(Wilfried). The abuser can also threaten violence against pets, valued possessions,
and isolating the victim from social contacts.
