It’s another turning point in my life.
Another job change is about to happen. Another series of goodbyes will be said. Another last opportunity to make peace with a few will be ulitilised. Another ‘re-adjustments’ and ‘getting used to my space’ will happen in a new office. Another whole month will be spent on missing a few people who I was extremely close to. Another new route of travel will be surveyed and then gotten used to. Another set of new ‘friends’ will be made. Another set of new responsibilities will be shouldered and carried out efficiently.
In one word, ‘change’ is about to be ushered in to my life.
This thought reminds me of a discussion that I had a long time back - to be precise, 5 years ago - with my best friend Ritu. It was 2004 and I was about to leave Kolkata forever and shift base to Bangalore for my post graduation degree. After which I was supposed to shift to Mumbai for job. Like my entire extended family, even Ritu was against this decision of mine and tried to persuade me to change my mind. She tried everything – emotional blackmail, sentimental talks, trying to scare me off, telling me stories about how unsafe Bangalore and Mumbai were, etc., etc., etc. When she realised that nothing was going to move me, she started a straight-faced ‘talk’ with me.
Ritu: So you have decided to go.
I: Yes! I’m sorry, but yes. This is the best possible thing that I can do for myself.
Ritu: How can you be so sure?
I: Hmmm… Because I want to do this.
Ritu: So you think what ever you want to do is always right and best for you!?!
I: Yes… you know me Ritu… Why are you even asking me such kind of questions?
Ritu: Do you know what a drastic change you are about to bring in your life?
You will be away from home, away from me, away from friends, away from your roots…
I: Change? Is that bad? Isn’t ‘change’ the only way to go? Isn’t ‘change’ the only way to grow? And what distance are you talking about? My parents are anyway not here… Nagpur is as close to Bangalore as to Kolkata. About my relatives? Honestly, even you know this, I don’t care. They are not the ones who’s gonna take care of me when I’ll be old. Roots? I don’t have any roots! Since the day I was born, I have shifted homes 13 times, have lived in 5 different cities and 8 different towns. I don’t have any roots… I refuse to have any roots! And friends will be friends, wherever I am… if they are my genuine friends!
Ritu: Oh! So what about me!!!
I: We’ll be friends, as long as we grow up together…
Ritu: Goddamn! How can we grow up or grow old together when you won’t be here at all!
I: I AM here. I am with you. All the time. All the while. It’s just that I am going to live some distance away from you… we are not growing apart!
I left soon after that discussion. Ritu was right about the drastic change that I was bringing on to myself. The change was major! However, I bore it with fortitude. Sometimes it pained me to say goodbyes to places and people; sometimes I felt happy about it. Very soon I realised that my life has always been about changes… every new city or town meant new friends, new climate, new houses, new relatives (considering proximity… when you are in one city/town, you tend to visit a few relatives more than the others just because they are nearer to you!), new interests, new education, new acquaintances, new experiences, new roots! This realisation brought peace to my life and I became one with myself.
5years have passed. Ritu and I are still best of friends. We did have our share of difficulties but we have not grown apart.
Also, I have started to accept change as the only constant in my life. New job or new city, life is good, as long as I am at peace with myself… as long as I can welcome change with open arms!
Amen!
