A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without ascratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was drivingalong this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front ofme. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved tothe left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and therewas another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree onthis road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back andforth."
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One morning this blonde calls herfriend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killerjigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."
Her friend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?"
The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so heheads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him towhere she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies thepieces for a moment, then studies the box.
He then turns toher and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able toshow you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.""Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put allthese Frosted Flakes back in the box.
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Ablonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive whenshe accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pullover. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece ofchalk from his pocket.
He drew a circle on the side of theroad and gruffly commanded the blonde "stand in that circle and DON'TMOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said "Ohyou think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of histruck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad.He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
Nowshe's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. Hegoes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car andsets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"
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A man was driving along the highway and saw a rabbit hopping acrossthe middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, butunfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. Thedriver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled overto the side of the road and got out to see what had become of therabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt soawful that he began to cry.
A blonde woman driving down thehighway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. Shestepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feelterrible," he explained. "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killedit." The blonde told the man not to worry. She knew what to do.
She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked overto the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can all overthe rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved itspaw at the two humans and hopped down the road. Fifty feet away therabbit stopped, turned around, waved at the two again, hopped down theroad another 50 feet, turned, waved, and hopped another 50 feet.
The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could bein the woman's spray can! He ran over to the woman and demanded, "Whatwas in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The womanturned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said:
(Are you ready for this?)
(Are you sure?)
(OK, here it comes . . . )
"Hair Spray - Restores Life to Dead Hair. Adds Permanent Wave."
