After some deliberation, I’ve decided to place this “review” in the diary section rather than in the review section through MouthPad. “Marrying Anita: A Quest for Love in the New India” felt so relevant to my own life that I didn’t think I could give the book the distance it deserved for a dispassionate review. I, like “Anita Jain”, have been unlucky in my quest for love in my life. Also, like “Anita”, I was born with a foot in two cultures, in my case, Anglo-American, which, due to a divorce, seemed more than merely an ocean apart from each other.
My purpose in writing this is to bring attention to this interesting book. Originally, when I planned to place it on MouthPad, I checked for a link to the publisher and was dismayed to find a reference to “the barbaric practice of arranged marriage”. Hmm. Poor book. Even the publisher doesn’t seem to “get it”. Anita is going to India to look for just that – a traditional marriage of some sort. She, the daughter of Indian Jains, born and raised in the U.S., has been tremendously successful in her career but, oops! – forgot to get married and have kids and now she’s lonely and in her mid-thirties with a string of failed, if highly colorful, affairs behind her. The “Western” ways haven’t worked, she thinks, so…might as well try what worked for her mother and father, who have a stable, happy marriage.
While reading this book, I couldn’t help but think of one of my perennial favorites, “Pride and Prejudice”, and its famous opening line, “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.” In the days of Jane Austin, the West was not so hypocritical about arranged marriages: money, land, progeny, titles, inheritances, all were at stake in the marriage game. People knew this and they didn’t pretend that they didn’t know, or didn’t care. When those were ignored, or spurned (as in the case of impulsive Lydia Bennett, the youngest Bennett daughter, who eloped with the dastardly Mr. Wickham) the social consequences were devastating not only to the couple, but to their families as well.
The “Anita” in the book reminds me a little of the youngest Bennett daughter: intelligent, but impulsive, headstrong, and given to hanging with the wrong crowd if one is truly marriage-minded.
For example, she makes her best friends, once she lands in Delhi, with a group of young, hip rock musicians who hang around, drink Old Monk and smoke a lot of hash. In fact, reading this book, one gets the idea that the young people of India today tend to work hard, and then go partying at discos, having random sex, drinking Old Monk and smoking a lot of hash. Maybe that is the case, I wouldn’t know.
I talked about this book with an Indian friend of mine, whose response was the same as mine – if she were really marriage minded, why didn’t she head for her Indian relatives (as a social network), and stay away from the divorced rock musicians? Was the problem really the “New India” as “Anita” seemed to imply, or was it her tendency to hang with an unmarriageable crowd?
I’ll leave the ending of the book up to the reader to discover, whether or not “Anita” finds true love in India. (Ok, she does, but it isn’t perhaps what one would expect!)
But I find myself thinking, wow, this kid has some options, that I wish I had: a family structure to fall back on; a cultural structure to fall back on – as constraining as these may be, they are tried and true methods of finding a mate, and perhaps just as “reasonable” as a fling leading to a marriage, or a long “living together” period leading to a breakup.
I’ve never had occasion to try the first, but have tried the second and it was really painful. (see, this is why this is a diary entry and not a straight-on review). I realize now that I may never find a life-partner, and must accept that. I’ve tried all the avenues: church, social groups, activity groups, etc. and have never found a man who would approach me.
So, after reading this book, I signed up for a matchmaking service. I’ll keep you posted on whether or not they find someone for me. Like “Anita”, I remain ever hopeful.
Rating: 3 stars out of 5 for content; 5 stars for ease of readability
Price: $24.99 USD
ISBN 978-1-59691-185-7
Purchased in: Book Store
Recommend: Yes, with reservations
Link: https://bloomsburyusa.com/catalogue/details2.asp?isbn=978159691857&cf=0&search=marrying%20anita&isbns=&page=1
