Aug 27, 2006 08:45 PM
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"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies". –Aristotle
Friendship is the beautiful flower God has created in the garden of life. The beauty of the flower friendship is that you can enjoy it at the same time you can become one. Ralph Waldo Emerson says "The only way to have a friend is to be one".
In this write up, I am only considering the long term friendship. (There are many ways to make short term friends. Please read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, which is one of the world's popular book.) There is a Jewish Saying, which is quoted in Bible, "Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure." I am sure you wish to have this treasure of friendship with you till your last breath.
In my personal experience, I am what I am because of my friendship. I was a very quite person during my entire school days and even for plus 2 stage. But later part of my college days brought lot of connections and I was lucky to have option to select some good number of close friends, which I am keeping for over 15 years now. We all came from different backgrounds, but we had something in common which link us together. We met, discussed, analysed, helped & succeeded together. The friendship code knitted our families together, now our children together. I have no doubt that friendship is the treasure which I value than any other relation.
I have noted some qualities which are required to maintain a long term friendship and just noting down it here for your reference.
SELECT YOUR FRIENDS CAREFULLY. Like in marriage, you have to be very selective in friendship. There is a saying, "If you are in contact with Sandal, you will smell sandal. If you are in contact with Onion, you will smell that." So, you have to make sure that you are selecting friends with extreme care. Out of thousand people you meet, you may shortlist 6 or 7 and select some really good ones as your true friends. Make sure that the person's moral values are good, behavior is ok and you both are jelled together well. Albert Camus says "Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend"
ENGAGE IN CORRESPONDENCE REGULARLY. The best is in person. However, if not possible, by phone, letter, emails or messages. Share your opinions. Hear the other person's opinion as well. It should be a two way process. I have noted that many people who boast they have close friendship earlier do not maintaining it now. Reason? They are not in touch with each other.
LISTEN TO YOUR FRIEND. Most of us wish to talk a lot. We are good at it in times. But, are we good listeners? When we listen to our friends, give full attendance to what our friend is saying. It should be an active listening and not passive listening. An active listening always attracts sharing of our opinion.
TRUST YOUR FRIEND. Be a person who shares things. Friendship is all about sharing your time, thoughts, opinions, Joy, Sorrows etc. The more you share with your friend the friendship will strengthen accordingly. Sharing is not possible without trust. So, if you wish to have a long term friendship, test his/her trustworthiness. Trust in your friend.
TRUTHFUL TO YOUR FRIEND. Don't lie to your close friend. You can share things with your friend, which you cannot share with your parents, teachers, partners or children. So, be truthful to your friend. If your selection of friend is correct, I promise you, you will not have to repent.
KEEP SECRETS AS SECRETS. A good friend never reveals the secrets of the friend to others. If one person does that, he is not eligible to call as a friend. So, select one who will keep secret and be one who keep secrets.
KEEP FINANCE MATTERS OUT OF FRIENDSHIP. Some may differ in this opinion. I have found people separate many a time due to financial reasons. So, if you really want to keep the friendship, keep the financial matters away from friendship. A true friend will understand your needs and if he/she is a true friend they will help you even without your request. A friend in need is a friend indeed. But, let it be voluntary.
STAY WITH YOUR FRIEND IN GOOD AND BAD. Friendship is always a responsibility. We should not treat friendship as an opportunity. Be with your friend in every moment of his glory and gloom. For some, it is easy to be in good things, but not in bad times. Bad times test true friends. So are the good times. It is difficult for some to appreciate and celebrate other's glory; not for a friend.
TRY TO MAKE YOUR FRIEND A SUCCESS. Henry Ford says, "My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me." At the same time take all possible help from your friend to make your life a success. Friendship is a mutual success society. Give in abundance, take in abundance.
RECONCILE. As told earlier, friendship is a treasure. If you lost 10,000 Rs, what you will do? We try to remember where we lost the Rupees. We search the place it lost and all possible locations. Will Check with all who knows about. If you suspect somebody took it intentionally, you will complain to police. If you lost your close friend, what you will do? Normally the friendship will collapse there. How strong your friendship is, that difficult is to reconcile in normal terms. But, WE SHOULD NOT GIVE AWAY THE GREATEST TREASURE WE HAVE THAT EASILY. As if we lost a crore rupee, we have to strive to keep the friendship. Talk, explain, reconcile & bring them back. If needed, take mediation. But remember, "The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away."- Wilson Mizner
I am writing this article to join the celebration of friendship, which I cherished for years and hope to celebrate in the coming years!!! I can see a lot of friendship blooming in the chat box of mouthshut. Look at the comment section of Abha, Anusha, Santhosh, Prasidddha, Shyam, Megs etc. etc. Mouthshut is an opportunity for friendship unseen. Together, we are here to celebrate the festival of friendship!!!
