Of Masochism, SFX & Moustaches ... Review on Prem Qaidi

It's a strange world. The Dikhata Basus and Mallika Dikhawats of this world think that they are the pioneers when it comes to bold subjects in Hindi cinema. Karan Johar believes that he brought homosexuality out of the closet in Bollywood. And before you jump to assumptions, I am referring to the Kaantaben act in Kal Ho Na Ho and not Johar's personal life ...

Yet, Bollywood's first attempt at blatantly dealing with sexuality was a masterpiece which released in 1991. Perhaps the year is relevant as it is tera saal baad that someone has survived the film to write about it. Ladies and gentlemen, behold the film in which both the leads took turns at playing different genders!

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Digital Graphics & Prem Qaidi

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It all began one stormy night. Call me a masochist if you want but the words Prem Qaidi flashing on my television screen were too tempting. I decided that I would personally call up Zee Cinema and compliment them on the amazing quality of new-age cinema they telecast. If once was not enough, the title screamed for attention in a number of languages. English, Hindi, Urdu and even Hyper Text Markup Language. Er, no, I got confused, the last one mentioned is a computer language.

But then, I won't be wrong if I say that the first film which used computers was Prem Qaidi. The lead duo were a result of some brilliant computer graphics. A man's face was digitally combined with a woman's visage. The result was the female lead of the film - Harish. The procedure was repeated to procure the male lead of the film - Karisma Kapoor.

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Of Legs & Topless Hopeless Bets

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The movie is a treat to watch. Harish's long legs beg for attention as he enters jail dressed in a pair of shorts, which are two sizes too small. I am sure that Harish was the one who inspired the likes of Mamta Kulkarni, Meghna Naidu et al. I began to cheer as he entered the prison, hoping that he would not appear again in the film. Unfortunately, the movie had just begun.

One of the highlights of the film is the singing session at Karisma's birthday party. It's Harish's dressing sense and unique dancing style which are the unique features of this sequence, but the show is stolen by Dilip Tahil, who goes down a slide, singing 'Yahoo'. Boo hoo ...

In spite of the presence of a slide, I will not recommend this flick as one which the tiny tots would enjoy because Karisma Kapoor engages in a bet with her slightly-feminine looking friends, with the catch being that the one who loses the bet will have to strut around topless. Now, I was hoping that Karisma would lose the bet because if she would have actually carried out the punishment, our confusion about her gender in this film would have been finally solved!

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Mandira Bedi, where art thou?

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Although Mandira Bedi entered the glamour world in 1993, Karisma's character seems to know her from a previous birth. Why else would she keep uttering ''Mandy hai re'' ? Or was she just lamenting that she had applied 'mehendi' in this priceless sequence during which Harish keeps fidgeting around as if he is about to be gang-raped?

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Leaving & Dyeing

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The music is a treat to the ears. A song I would particularly like to mention is when Harish croons to Karisma,

''I leave four you. I dye four you''.

On first hearing, one wonders whether Harish is leaving Karisma at 4 o'clock after dyeing his hair. However, a trusted source tells me that the intended lyrics the lyricist had penned were 'I live for you. I die for you'.

This movie has it all. When I say all, I do mean all - all the nincompoops of the film industry who have assembled under one banner for this prestigious project. Prem Qaidi is a love saga about the beautiful relationship shared between Neelima and Chandramohan. I regret the fact that I am a trifle confused as to whether Harish is Neelima and Karisma is Chandramohan, or vice verse.

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Eeeeeeeeeeeshhh!

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I have a sneaking suspicion that the fellow who made this film (bless his soul!) wanted a job at Bhawani Shankar's office. How else is one supposed to explain the abundance of facial hair on offer? Harish wears a ghost of a moustache to prove his raging masculinity, but his efforts are in vain as Karisma Kapoor's whisker threaten to look more bushy than his.

And talking about bushy things, I hope that the US do not attack India, searching for a weapon of mass destruction called Prem Qaidi ...

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Survivors and those who have been unlucky enough not to have seen this masterpiece, kindly comment ... all condolences are welcome!