PLAYERS: Of Duds, Flop(pies) & Strugglers!. Review on Players

Well, let me begin the review on a positive note. Director-duo Abbas Mustan have come up with yet another stylish thriller that is awesome to watch in its cinematography. They have added yet another feather in their already crowded cap. And my positivity ends here. Let’s begin the review now in right earnest. The movie has style but misses out on content and acting. It has shadows but no substance. The movie could rightly've been named JOKERS!

The joke doing rounds on the internet is: Abbas-Mustan were approached by Dharmendra Deol, Amitabh Bachchan, Vinod Khanna, Anupam Kher, Anil Kapoor, Nitin Mukesh, Prem Shivdasani, Abbas Alibhai Burmawala to resurrect their star kids' careers. A-M duo agreed. And their New Year bomb ne unka band baaja baja diya. Flops ki madad kee aur khud doob gaye. The duo are unlikely to recover from this massive failure. Viacom18 has already terminated their third film contract after this dud. And Puri Jagannath has booted out Abhishek from Businessman.

Players has sadly nothing going for it except its directors, who churn out The Indian Job (sorry, The Italian Job). After that it is sorry, sorry and sorrier. The gold heist story couldn't have been more pathetic given the choice of blank actors, with bland performances. They are simply unable to emote. They have only two standard emotions – first is ONE emotion and second is NO emotion. There is no place for a third emotion or other ranges. After all, we are dealing with a bunch of starry duds, flops and strugglers (who never say die). Let me not waste time and deal with the duds straight away.

VINOD KHANNA (65): Once he was the dashing casanova. One couldn't have enough of him. He even overshadowed his own sons. But what a pathetic picture he portrays here. His indifferent acting makes one wish that he should hang up his boots now and relearn more expressions. His standard in the movie was One emotion: smirk.

BOBBY DEOL: At 42, he is hardly hero material. I hardly remember any hit movies of his as a solo hero. But I could empathise with him in this movie. He had grief written all-over his face throughout his blink-and-miss role. And I too walked out of the theatre with this same expression. Awarded: one emotion.

ABHISHEK BACHCHAN (35): Kareena Kapoor and he started their careers together with Refugee (2000). 12-years down the line, she is the 100-crore heroine, and he is still struggling and we are still learning to cope up with him being an ‘actor’, his acting and with his flops. After delivering one dud, he comes up with a bigger dud at regular intervals. Wonder, who finances his movies unless he works for free. Never mind. He lasts only till his press-conferences. The theatres sport an empty look. It seems no one can help him - neither his dad, nor wife and doesn't seem even the newly-born daughter, who didn’t bring him any luck. His granddad was a poet. His dad is an actor. Abhishek can (I suggest) become a circus ring master. The wild animals'll become tame seeing his perennial sullen expression. He sleep-walked (the usual cake-walk) through his role but did dare to attempt singing! Michael Caine must be turning in his grave and Mark Wahlberg must be cringing. This milk shake (sorry, Abhishek) is the eighth wonder of this world (I am serious). Awarded: 1 expression.

AFTAB SHIVDASANI (33): The less said about him, the better. This baby is yet to grow up since his child actor-roles. With his toothy-gummy smile, he does try to act serious but I ended up laughing loudly. I'm so sorry (for laughing loud). Awarded: NO emotion.

SIKANDER KHER (31): Who is he? Well, he is Anupam Kher and Kiron Kher's son. Does that ring the bell? Who cares? This guy complements Abhishek. He is perennially looking for an expression. And by the time he finds one, the movie ends.

NEIL NITIN MUKESH (29): His granddad was singer Mukesh Chand Mathur. His dad is singer Nitin Mukesh. Neil should have followed the family vocation. Alas, he tried his hand at acting and the result was a FLOP. He tries too hard to look ferocious in the movie but fails. My pet cat Billu emotes better when he needs food or attention. Awarded: NO emotion.

SONAM KAPOOR (26): She is supposed to be Bollywood's fashionista! When you will see her in this movie, you will be proud of your local tailor. You will thank your lucky stars. At the rate she changes her hairstyles and clothes, her expression sadly remains monotone. No change despite situations changing at fast pace.

MUSTAFA A A BURMAWALA (24): Well, he is the new kid on the block. I mean debutant struggler. He is director Abbas A Burmawala's son. Let’s not talk about him and thank God for small mercies for keeping his role brief.

With so many duds in the movie, who cares for the story or even the movie? Some in the audience are tearing the seats while others are tearing their (non-existent) hair. No one wishes to look for songs that are staple of Hindi movies. Anyways, there are no good songs to boast of. I for one am numb. That's good or I'll shriek with fright. My New Year couldn't begin like this. But there is some solace package in the form of Johnny Lever (62) and Omi Vaidya (29), who try to cure audience's depression. Bipasha Basu at 32-40 is over the hill. This babe should seriously think of matrimony. Her shape is not fit for red bikini but for shaadi-byaah. I don't know if John Abraham had a lucky escape. The surprise package of this movie is SHWETA BHARDWAJ. This 26-something infuses enough life with her vamp’s role that I did remember her seductive number. She should have been on the banners and trailers and promos. Maybe audience'd've rushed to theatres. But like I said, she is a (pleasant) surprise item. Better than the other two females, this one lights up the screen. Kudos also to singers Mauli Dave, Priyani Vani, Ritu Pathak, Shruti Pathak and Yashita Yashpal.

Let me put this in a nut-shell: If you've not seen this movie, you're hale and hearty. But if you've, you may need a psychiatrist so that you can be strong enough to view the next star kids' duds. If only the director-duo had considered Sanjay, Salman, SRK, Hrithik, Ranbir for the roles. I guess, they couldn't get them for free and settled for duds. Watch it if they offer you free tickets, coke, popcorn, to-n-fro travel, time-waste money, saridon... On second thoughts, ask for a refund on free tickets.