The motivation
I noticed an advertisement in the newspaper, selling Video CDs of a recent animated movie. The movie is called ''Ramayana'', and is an animated version of the Hindu epic. The advertisement invited clients to buy the CD at a throw away price of Rs. 200 (Roughly $4) at a site called Planet M Online. I was interested in the movie, and figured that I ought to try it out. All interested, I decided to go online, the site being https://planetmonline.com.
Online!
I type the name in, and the site loads up. It was not difficult to find the Ramayana Video CDs. The first page had a banner ad for this product. Clicking on it got me to the page with the Ramayana Video CDs. So far, so good.
I decide to buy one set of Video CDs. I enter this into a form which asks me how many units I wish to purchase, and go to the next page. It takes me back to the main page, where I am shown more of their products with two lines worth of information on the product. Clicking on the product is worthless if you want more info. Two lines is all they know, in addition to names of the songs on the album. One of the reviews reads: ''Simply titled 'George Strait', the man's 24th self-titled release offers ten numbers in his little deeper than earlier, but yet alive voice! His neo-traditionalist country style is plainly amazing, displaying enriched emotions of pain and joy''. Explains a lot, doesn't it? There are no customer reviews (though they invite you to), or interesting points about the product. They do have ratings though (hey, they aren't that bad)! However, all products have similar ratings (then again...). So how is one supposed to purchase something he has not heard of? Well, you read two lines, like those above, and say, ''Hey, that sounds nice''! Lets buy it! Wonderful. Oh, and should you decide to look for some particular genre, they do their best to convince you otherwise. The classification is horrendous, with the albums coming one after the other in no particular order. Once you narrow down to ''Pop/Rock'', you are forced to see all the rock albums in random order, each with his two golden lines. For instance, under ''Pop/Rock'', you have Syd Barrett listed next to Michael Jackson. Oh golly!
Eventually, I grow bored of this, however intellectually stimulating the information may be. I click on a few buttons that show my intention of checking out, with the one product which was worth looking at. It is then that they tell me I need to have a special login at their site, with a link that will get me one. Sure, no problem. I get one. After getting a login, I attempt to checkout again. For the mode of payment, I opt for them to have it delivered at home, and I pay on delivery. (Did you think I would give these buffoons any credit card information?) So I say, check me out! Hey, with just one CD?? Did you know that your CD costs you just Rs 200. Pal, you need at least Rs. 400 worth of purchases to do a COD (Cash On Delivery) purchase.
Back I go to the pages listing products. The smart chaps running this show have decreased the value of the products by tiny amounts, just so it is difficult to add them up to Rs. 400. There was a discount on my Ramayana CDs as well, which was too little to bother about. I wanted to buy the VCD of Kama Sutra. That was priced at Rs. 175. See! With a little discount, they are actually forcing us to buy more. Reluctantly, I pick up another copy of Ramayana. Believe me, it was the only interesting product on that site. No problem, I can go with two. Now can I checkout (for good)?
Sure, after you pay Rs. 20 per CD as the delivery charge. Surely you understand. Of course I do. Now this site is really beginning to get to me. I am told that since my purchases exceed Rs. 400, (due to the delivery charges, see!), I am eligible for a free game. Windoze game no doubt. The day these monkeys figure out that they are the only ones using that OS,... Well, that day is far away. Meanwhile, I will be gifted some Windoze software. Sigh, another coaster. Finally, clickety-click, and I am through the maze! Thank God!
Did you think it was over?
I get a mail from the site, saying I got to confirm my order. Yes, sir! Politely, I click on the link, and it gets the (slow-moving) machinery respond to my confirmation. Can I see the CD now? They promise to mail it soon.
The next day, my mother tells me that some person called up regarding a CD delivery. Wow! Under 24 hours. I suppose I am the only one who could get through the labyrinth, and make a purchase. Neat! Despite the previous day's experience, I remain optimistic. (Who cares if they are morons as far as they get me my CD, and leave me alone?)
Is it there, mommy?
And it arrived the next day. Around 48 hours after having made the purchase. Their delivery is impressive. Thank god they outsourced it. Anyway, I rip open the box, and pop the VCD in my drive.
Nothing happens.
My machine cannot recognize the Video CD!! Since I bought two copies of the same VCD, I pop in the second set. This seems to work. Wow. My bladder just burst due to all the excitement!
I try out the free game on my dad's computer. It comes in its own jewel case, which is broken, and the tray holding the CD has given up. It has a painless installation procedure, which fails before ending. Run the game, and it asks you to put the game CD in the drive. Hey, it's already there! Loading it again does not help. Planet M should change the word ''your gift'' to ''our trash''. Oh, well it's a Windoze product. At least they are all consistent. It is made by BPB Publications, who are another glorious name in the roster of Snobbish, Cavalier and Vacuum-headed salesmen. Expecting them to produce a single good product is pointless. Good going, BPB! And thanks for all the entertainment.
What now?
Planet M Online is easily the worst site I have ever visited. The content is lacking, the navigation ill-planned, the products shoddy, the information demeaning. The jokers have neither taken the time, nor the effort in making a site where I can shop. The collective IQ of the people behind the project can be safely pegged at around 60 (and it is the optimist in me saying this). They have not tested their products out. They have not got anything that shops don't have. Their pricing policy makes me feel like an idiot. They give a Rs. 6 discount, and then ask for Rs. 20 per CD. This might work with teenage girls, with a passion for the latest Ricky Martin tape, and a serious problem with questions like 2+2=?. Perhaps that is where their market lies.
This being my first experience in online buying, I have two things to say:
Thanks for letting me experience the joys of Internet shopping. At Rs. 435, the lesson is cheap.
Planet M ought to drop its head in shame. They could not even copy from a well established model - that of Amazon.
You can reach me by Vikram ''aragorn at infofin dot com''.
