Feb 27, 2007 01:44 AM
6943 Views
(Updated Feb 27, 2007 01:47 AM)
Shuruaat: In the Beginning was the Bird, the Bird was with Spice and the Bird was ... well, Hot!
It was a replay of sorts at Das Capital (lest amateurs and babes point out the grammatica, heres a general notice banning any kind of corrections on this one!)- one replayed countless times over last drops of Old Monk-ey fluids and scratching off of last bits of onion from previously ceramic plates! The spirits were high, the tummies were large and bare, the minds were raring for a taste of hot flesh and tingling tongues, and the roads were bare! There was nothing that could deter the vision, no traffic that could snarl, no wives that could issue summons to report home! Four men, each more ravenous than the other and with the common goal of ripping apart at least one form of avian life which had given its life for the furtherence of the human cause.
Discussions are generally more animated than logical under such circumstances ( those who shall never encounter such states should refrain from advice to follow and those who feel a twang at what is still to come should seek at the earliest to give vent to such ambitions!). Being the only one with prior 'experience' of encounters with the chics (the winged variety, here!) of Delhi-by-night, ears were lent without much ado. "Kaka", the gyan was given! At first, the three around thought I had visions of my deceased uncle on the paternal side, but soon realized I could as well be imitating a crow! Kaka Da Dhaba, I clarified, ere doubts voiced themselves in Monk-ey fashion. "Aah, whatta name. If name is so fundoo, can khaana be far behind?!". When 750 ml of appetisers have been downed, it is easy to win even Parliament elections in India! Kaka, it would be!
Route: Two Mohammed Rafi numbers later, we turned a few wrong corners (if a roundabout can have one, that is!), then after another two, we were on the right track again. It took us eight songs to reach the outer circle of Connaught Place (thanx to Megs and her free lunch(es), and the recent CCD meet of MS@Delhi, I could even in such states of existence guide a four wheeler to the right place, unknown to myself! Smartly and confidently, I asked to stop before a decorated hotel (the outer side of CP has hotels which are dhabas and the inner has the propah hotels). The inner thought was that I would seek directions there. But fate dictated otherwise. the well-lit place (garland-lit, rather!) turned out to be nothing but Kake da Hotel! A dozen cars varying from M800s to Skodas (Ah, Mags!) parked outside convinced my partners-in-liquid that we had arrived at a sufficiently hep eating joint in Saddi Dilli! Acting my part, I 'excused myself' to the bhai saheb at the parcel counter thrice, in varying degrees of decibel levels, but to no avail. That wa swhen one of my lesser educated juniors clapped his hands and screamed "Chaar Log yahan bhee hai"... and the counter-man turned and smiled! So much for my Delhi-cacies! Nevertheless, what ensued was a wait of 13 minutes, due to the time being 10.45 pm and the last minute being added due to our drunken chivalry of letting a family that seemed too hungry in before our turn!
Brass Tacks: We had 13 minutes to finalise the order while we waited. And we did! But once inside, the waiter was determined to make us enjoy the ambience and decor which didnt exist, in any case! All that the place has/ had is/was food, and loads of it, of varying shapes, sizes, colours and tastes.
We ordered a full plate of Butter Chicken (they believe that chickens unlike Prabhu Deva, never come boneless), a plate of Seasonal Subzi (that is code for cauliflower, potatoes and some other ghaas phoos) and 12 rotis! The old waiter looked sternly at us while setting down the thrice-wiped-but-still-greasy and once-white ceramic plates down before us, with another one heaped with the traditional 'pyaaz-nimbu-green chutney' combo so characteristic of a true dhaba. Then he returned with 8 rotis. Before he completed his next delivery, we were waiting like Labrador puppies at a training school - plates neat and clean and tongues licking the last spicy remnants from what used to be our chin earlier! He grunted and returned with the balance 4 rotis. Again, in 90 seconds, they disappeared, like the beach in a tsunami! Just to earn him his Performance linked Pay, we ordered another Sheekh Kabab (5 pieces- yummy and hot, with green chutney, which saw the four of us being coy, generous and barbaric in that order in a span of 30 seconds) along with the next round of 4 rotis. Gluttons are like Virus on the PC, they never fully let go! That is to say, 2 of us (no prizes for guessing 1 of the 2!) ordered another 2 rotis! 18 rotis later and with the burps being restrained only by force of our training years, we hobbled down the rickety stairs (did I forget to say we were on the first floor - that is, if you can call 5 tables on level zero as Ground floor!) to wash our hands which had nothing but memories of chicken and green chutney left to be washed away!
Happiness Quotient: Each drunk always endeavours to reach for the bill first, and also to pass it on to the next, always! But this one was so small it could hardly satisfy a chicken! All this atrocity later, the bill was a mere 320 bucks! Each pulled out a 100, but then decided 80 bucks as a tip was too much! 1 hand withdrew on auto, commenting "Chal paan ho jaye"! The third hand tipped to let a 10 buck slide down, along with the additional 20!
Pan Indians: No dhabha meal can be complete sans a pan! We trudged our way to the nearby 'phamous' Panchayat! Not on democratic thoughts, but 'cos it is CP's answer to Mumbai's Muchchad Panwala! At 20 bucks a sweet pan, it isnt exactly a steal, but definitely tasty! But since common sense had dawned again, more so since dinner had mellowed the Monk-en state of things, we came right out and crossed over to the 'aam aadmi' panwaala on the inside of the CP Circle. That one move cut our costs by 50%. Munching our huge pans for 10 bucks each, we realized how Guru Bhai had made his money!
Conclusion:The conclusion can only be summarised by saying that my companions still trusted me enough to let me direct all of us back home, after all this, as I had shown them Delhi's famed "Kake Da Hotel/ Dhabha"! Doesn't say much for my navigation skills or the level headedness of my companions, but Kake Da Hotel still remains THE BEST eating joint for that kind of money if you are at CP. Did you say, "Hygiene"?
Come on folks, don't you know the taste of food at Dhabhas and that at Pani Puri stalls at Chowpatty are due only to certain 'well-concealed' factors?!
...I just remembered that another day a week back, I had been to Kaka's newly opened Branch at Panchsheel Enclave, where the food is as good, but the hygiene is great and the ambience is passable too. But then, I saw at least 3 families with toddlers in the queue at CP! So, take your pick!
Dilli Hai, Bhai!! Aate Raho, Khate Raho! As for the rest of the world, it's Bajaate Raho!
