Historical or Hysterical?. Review on Jodhaa Akbar

I haven’t seen any of the promos or read any of the reviews of Jodhaa Akbar, knowing that nothing can live up to that kind of publicity.

And yet…!!!

The biggest problem with JA is that it took a good 3 hours out of my life! The movie lacks depth, it doesn’t make you cry like Gladiator nor does it talk of fascinated love of Achilles like in Helen of Troy.

The director cannot narrate multiple stories effectively; he should have either stuck to romance or war

A* glimpse into Aishwarya’s acting:-

Blank Space

Aishwarya’s jewelry is all that we get!

Aishwarya, a Rajput princess, is no where near regal. She cries neurotically before her wedding, like she got her first appraisal! And once wedded she settles meekly into her new household.

What about the “royal arrogance”??

A* glimpse into Hrithik’s acting:-

Hrithik Roshan has done a lovely job, with his quiet smiles and soul-full eyes.

He, alone, carries the movie in his nicely built shoulders.

Poor chap, had to act twice as hard to make up for Aishwarya’s non-existent expressions.

Dipping the keyboard with heavy sarcasm, I type the next two words

Classic scenes:-

Hrithik and Aishwarya engage in a sword play; and Ms Aishwarya’s lack of romance is so stark that I wanted to get up and give Mr. Roshan a hug for his efforts (and his dimples!!)

Hrithik takes Aishwarya to a mirrored bed-chamber, and waits for sunlight to appear and then in the architectural grandeur he asks her in a puppy-like act “Do you love me” and she answers a bored “yes”(yea! whatever!)

And then they consummate their marriage.

Heaven help me!! The greatest king of Moghul empire… and he doesn’t display the least bit of macho??? And a Rajput warrior princess has no gumption???

Akbar’s only contribution to his brave, strong self was taming a wild elephant…

(Oh Please, Mr. Movie-Maker! That puny little elephant looks like it has its one leg in the grave.)

However, I was extremely thankful to this particular scene:

Akbar is wounded by a poisonous arrow and falls critically ill. All the doctors in the town treat the wound and wait ominously to see if Akbar heals.

Whilst I sat there in a suspense-filled, sweat browed precious moment, our Queen runs into her queenly chambers to offer her prayers to the Lord.

I was bracing myself to incoherent ramblings at the Lord for his nastiness followed by a song with bells clanging and a feverish dance.

Mercifully, it didn’t happen!!!!

…Aishwarya held a telepathic conversation with the Lord till Akbar blinked his baby-grey eyes open

Now this one I absolutely cannot miss telling all.

Khwaja meri Khwaja is a rib tickler.

All the singers wear a strange, cylindrical headgear and keep moving to a drill call.

And as the song drew to a conclusion; Hrithik got up and joined them in the dance (god alone knows what triggered off a Moghul king to get up and dance with funny head geared-men)

He spun around with them in a frock with his hand stretched toward the heaven in moment of ecstasy!!

(…I laughed incredulously gaining many a-blistering “shut-up” glares from all at the movie hall.)

And thus this song shall be named the “absurdity to top all absurdities” I so wish I had closed my eyes when the “absurdity to top all absurdities” happened, as the song is very mellifluous. Jodhaa Akbar, however, is a visual treat. The setting and the costumes are impeccable.

The director takes us to a bygone era of simple elegance, which all lof us as little children would have picturized while our grandmothers narrate a tale.

This nostalgia envelopes the audience so powerfully that one is almost able to forgive all flaws (besides Khwaja meri Khwaja!!).

Movie is a one-watch. ...And if you do watch the movie you will come out feeling pleasant! Don’t expect to be imprinted with the majestic splendor of the royal lives.