When Rats Meets Meow! . Review on Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na

STARDOM: The final frontier. The Enterprise: STARSHIP. A mission explored by many kids born into the film fraternity. To seek out and go where no ordinary man can go or will struggle for years before getting anywhere near. Nevertheless, very  few will manage to remain in orbit, while most others will bite the dust. ‘Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na’ is a starship enterprise launched by Aamir Khan to send his nephew ‘Imraan Khan’ into orbit, into the galaxy of stars. The captainship of this enterprise has been assigned to debutant director Abbas Tyrewala who thus far has been a screenplay and dialog writer for movies such as ‘Main Hoon Na’; ‘Maqbool’, ‘Salaam Namaste’, and ‘Shikhar’ to name a few.

Excerpts from a preliminary production meeting:

The Writer/Director -the captain of the ship -Abbas:Sir, I want to make a movie about ships – “Friendship, Relationship, Companionship, Courtship and Partnership”, all in one.

The Launcher/ Producer -Aamir Khan:  What? Are you sure you can amalgamate all these ships into one? AND keep it real AND provide entertainment without preaching to the audience AND maintain the high  standards associated with MY NAME?

Abbas: Yes sir, I think I can. We’ll try out the time tested  ‘college friends formula’. It is after all, on college campuses, where most individuals have their first crushes, infatuations, relationships and heartbreaks. We’ll present our characters as recent graduates. Remember you also played a fresh college graduate in ‘QSQT’? This will also give us an opportunity to add a graduation party song – We’ll change ‘Papa kehte hain bada naam karega’ to ‘Pappu can’t dance saala’.

Aamir frowns: What?? Who the hell wrote lyrics like this? I can’t allow language like this in my film.

Abbas: Trust me Sir!! I have gotten A. R. Rehman to do the music of  this film, so I am sure it will rock. To top it, we’ll promote the songs day  in and day out on T.V. and the public will be hooked. Times have changed. Now a  days its all about Pappus. Papa’s don’t watch their sons dance at parties anymore. I’ll have the ‘papa’ character talking from a portrait. And guess what none other than Naseeruddin Shah has already agreed to do the role!

Aamir: Hey that’s cool. I have tremendous respect for Naseer saheb! Ok. Now lets hear something about the story.

Abbas: I will try and capture the emotions and anxiety of a particular age group, teenagers on the threshold of adulthood to be precise. When future beckons, yet letting go of the fun and frolic filled carefree life makes one think retrospectively. I want to bring up the classic relationship dilemma. Can men and women remain JUST friends? And when does one know whether Cupid has struck? Oh and yes, the story will be narrated by the lead character’s friends.

Aamir: But isn’t that what ‘When Harry Met Sally’ was all about? Or Imtiaz’s ‘Socha Na tha’ or you know so many other films. I’ve lost count; & story being narrated by friends? Isn’t it straight out of ‘Forget Paris?

Abbas With due respect Sir, you know very well, film making  is all about treatment. I am not going to be ‘copying’ those films, but use those as templates. I have done an inventory of over a thousand  scenes from both Hollywood and Bollywood flicks, and chosen some of the best.  I will insert them in the right places with some peppy dialogues. In  ‘Forget Paris’ the friends narrate the story in a restaurant. I will use  ‘an airport’. Now that’s different won’t you say? This film will be targeted  toward the teeny-bopper crowd or for those who perpetually refuse to grow up or wish to turn the clock back. I am sure they will lap it up!

Aamir: Well, you know launching nephews has been a tradition in our family. My uncle launched me and now I am launching my dear little nephew. Whatever you  do, make sure it works. Make sure the characterization and casting works.

Abbas: I can’t think of anyone but Imraan for this role. He is perfect. I am castingGenelia in the female lead. She is good! The rest of the cast  of friends will comprise mainly of new faces, who have auditioned well. As for the others, Jayant Kripalani *and *Anuradha Patel (who still looks elegant and pretty) will be  playing Genelia’s parents and Ratna Pathak Shah has agreed to play Imraan’s mom. Oh and Rajat  Kapoor and* Kittu Gidwani have one scene, but I am sure they’ll nail it. *Manjiri Phadnis *will play the second lead. She looks a little sick and tired but then don’t worry once the make  up guys do their work, she’ll be fine.  *Arbaaz and Sohail Khan play Rajasthani cowboys!! Now, tell me, isn’t that innovative. Abbas raises his collars up  And here is the real kicker sir: Right before ‘Pappu can’t dance ’ number, Genelia she takes off her pointy-heel shoes and gets on the dance floor barefoot! Now, that’s what I call realism. I know many girls who wondered how those heroines gyrate to saucy numbers, with six inch heels and don’t trip will love this shot. I have faith in Manoj Lobo’s cinematography. I am sure he will do justice. I also got Prateek (Smita Patil's son) to play Genelia's bro. From what we shot so far, I think he will rock.

After numerous such production meetings, shooting, post production etc, the film is finally ready for release. Aamir goes all out to promote the film.

At the first day, first show someone comments: Hey look, I can see inside Shaleen’s nostrils. Seems like Abbas has gone a bit overboard with close up shots.  Another person comments: Hey why is Jai’s mom always on the phone during most of her screen time? Why are they  driving by ‘Queens Necklace’ and Chowpatty beach most of the time? Aren’t there too many party scenes? Isn’t it a bit repetitive? Why is Jai technologically behind? Almost hard to believe that a guy his age refuses to use a cell phone. For a person who has just graduated and is job hunting, doesn’t he NEED a cell-phone? And that computer on his desk, that he never uses is an obsolete model (windows 95 or older). Does it even work? Oh Man!! The climax is so deja vu!

SSSSHHHHHH!! A few girls scream from behind. Stop it you MORONS! Just look atImraan, isn’t he so cute, hasn’t he acted so well…isn’t it like a fairy tale. I wish my dream guy comes on a  horse, and sweeps me off my feet…..

The guy stares at them, smirks and thinks to himself “ Women!!” Ahh!! I’ll never understand them!

The initial results are in. As Abbas predicted many who went into the theater came out with a smile. The cash registers are ringing. Abbas tells Aamir “See, I told you it will work, so what if its  old wine packaged in a new bottle?” Aamir looks up at the stars and smiles from ear to ear. Cinematic liberty, dreams and a simple story well told, guess  that’s what movie magic is all about. Sometimes its best to just savor the taste  and not worry about what bottle the wine came from.