Mind matters.. Review on Handling Depression

He was a man in his late thirties with one of those good degrees from a prestigious institution, envious job, nice home, understanding wife, adorable kid and some great friends. But he chose to put an end to his life when everything seemed so nice and picture perfect! Reason? He was suffering a chronic depression that seems to have triggered off the day his boss overlooked him for a promotion and chose his junior instead!

She was a good homemaker with a caring husband and two sons. She was always there for them when the kids were growing up and took care of everything on the home front. Then, there came a time when the grown-up sons got busy with their lives, jobs, girlfriends and other things, which kept them mostly away from home, and the husband got only busier and busier with his work. She started feeling'I am not wanted here anymore' which further gave way to depression and finally made her give up on life to end it ever so tragically at the age of 45.

Generally, we associate depression with failure, heartbreak, low scores, parental/society pressure, brash acts of immature minds of teenagers/ adolescents, but here were two drastically different yet very sad tales that I have had the misfortune of witnessing from close circles. Certainly thirties and forties don't seem like an immature age for rash doings. Yet, the unbearable agony and voids perhaps drove them towards that ultimate escapism. With some help and determination things perhaps would have been different, if only they had given themselves a chance and chosen the other way!

This review is in continuation with pixie and vivekbp's write-up on the topic. Since they have already gone in depth in their analysis and advice, I would only keep my review as a continuation to theirs and an addition to whatever they have said. I am also no medical expert to speak on the chapter, however, my own experiences have taught me some valuable lessons that I would like to share in case it can help anyone else.

Depression is an emotional state characterized by feelings of gloom and inadequacy, says the dictionary. Is that all it is? How shallow and superficial the words seem to be in the real context! Having undergone some bouts of depression myself, I try here to picture and summarise the actual mental sufferings of the person although no words suffice to express the agony that one undergoes.

Depression is not something that affects you suddenly someday and then you get over it some other fine day. Neither is it any indication to your mental strength, character or health. It's something that happens over a period of time, with or without specific reasons to which an individual reacts in a particular way. Whatever may be the cause for the onset, but the predominant feeling is that of sadness. One becomes emotionally very vulnerable and easily hurt for no reason. The pain is unbearable that breaks into uncontrollable sobs and bitter tears in solitude. Terrible mood swing, restlessness, high irritation, gloominess *and *general unhappiness prevail. The next stage is a feeling of emptiness, generally loss of interest in all activities and mundane life and being very detached, cutting off friends, social life and preferring aloofness. This eventually results in loss of confidence and inferiority complex. This gives way to helplessness and the individual feels highly dejected. Next step is Self-pity where one keeps feeling sorry for him/herself, for what happened to them, and how such things could happen to them, feeling more pathetic and worse. It is then the suicidal thoughts creep in to end all miseries and opt for an easy way out.

Is there a hope at all in those terrible times? Definitely, there is!

Keep Company! Your wretched feelings haunt you when you are alone, so don't give them a chance. Hang out with friends, family and people as much as you can. Look for some company and attention diversion when you start feeling low, socialize more and look at your alternative interests of reading, movies or whatever even if you are not in a state to enjoy them. Try out exercising, meditation or any other recreational activities. Pull yourself out of your gloominess or at least make efforts, cause if you are not going to help yourself, nobody really can.

Time is the Best Healer! Give everything its own course of time to settle down. Don't take drastic steps just because you are afraid or heartbroken today. After 10 years perhaps you will laughing yourself silly looking back at the way you reacted to such'grave' situations. So take it easy! Life need not always be bed of roses but don't shun it off just because you couldn't handle one weak episode. Alcohol, drugs and suicide are NOT solutions.

Communicate! Speak out, to friends or confidantes with whom you can share your innermost feelings without feeling humiliated or being judged. Unleash those emotions, cry if you may and at least give an ear to what they have to say although you will feel that they cannot really understand what you are going through. Alternatively, you could even seek assistance from counseling, helplines and therapy. Don't be ashamed or try to hide away. There is nothing wrong with you. You are after all human and prone to ups and downs of life.

Be Positive! Try to adapt 'the Glass is half-full' attitude. You are not the first one and will not be the last one for whom things have gone wrong in life. Think of so many other lesser fortunate people that didn't even get a chance to be anywhere. Take it as a challenge to prove yourself rather than a failure that let you down. Learn from your experience. Change your strategy next time and make better efforts. Believe in yourself and the best in you, which is bound to fetch you results sooner or later.

Let go! Learn to forgive and forget. You will be doing a favour to yourself than the other beings, by letting go of your contempt, scorns and fear. Don't carry undesired burden over your shoulder, bury the hatchets and stop hiding skeletons in the cupboard that may come out to haunt you some day. Free yourself, your conscience and stop feeling guilty.

Life is beautiful!. give it a chance. There are bright sunny days after every dark gloomy night. Wait for that sunshine, have a little patience. Perseverance is the keyword. Don't give up just yet, you never know what life has to offer you in times to come. Stop brooding, life is too precious to throw away. Be optimistic. Have faith in God and Goodness and withstand your rough times with a smile.

And this is a request to those around the depressed souls. Please acknowledge and respect the other person's feelings, although you may find it funny or indifferent. If you cannot help, atleast don't make it worse by ridiculing or shrugging off. Remember, he/she has turned into you trusting you to be a dear friend. Value their opinion and try to lend a sympathetic ear. Don't pity or feel grossly sorry, since you will only be adding more fuel. Definitely you can handle it your way if you know the person too well or alternatively inform the concerned ones, about the seriousness of the situation.

RJ