Jul 31, 2009 10:44 PM
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Depression– for each person the reason might be different but almost allthe reasons lead you to that very pit that you ultimately fall into. Somewhereyou can escape if you are lucky and some unfortunate lives lose themselves tothe cruel and adamant depressive thoughts and circumstances. I have heard aboutpeople who fell into this because of so many reasons – failures in academics,love, marriages, careers and even a bunch lot. But what I am writing this isregarding something I guess a lot of you might have heard about and somethingthat I had been once a victim of – Prenatal/ Postpartum Depression commonlyknown as the baby blues.
When I got pregnant, I hoped to enjoy my nine months and I was actuallylooking forward to have the bundle of joy. But I was surprised to see how much Ihated the period because of the full blown depression I feel into soon.Thefirst few months were fine, but as I got into my fourth month or so thingschanged – I had fallen into a full blown depression that I found no way ofescaping from. It had started as total detachment to the child which generallysubmersed me in guilt that I started crying each and every day. I wondered how I felt so. Every to be mothershould be attached to their baby. Everyone I asked already felt attached to thelife in them. They were excited but not me. And why? Everyday I asked myselfWhy God Why??? I always had a fear I would mistreat the child and even felt soangry about this thing. Every time I thought about it, feelings flooded in - guilt, pain – a pain and helplessness that I couldnot help the state that I was in. A friend of mine told me that the toughestwar you might have to wage is against your own mind. And I was in one of suchwars with my own mind. Trust me I guess no one can understand what I wentthrough. My mind wouldn’t listen to me. Would not hear me. I fought buteverytime I did I grew tired, wary and I cried. Each and every prayer , I askedGod for strength and cried with helplessness even thinking once in a while itwould be better if everything ended. I never thought about suicide as it is butI did hope my life to end.
The fact is pregnancy is a time of hormonal tumult. Yes the hormoneschange and you get mood swings but the fact is this depression although aresult of the hormones are a disaster, not regular mood swingsbut somethingmore dangerous. The suffering person usually feels detachment, sadness, andeven a suicidal tendency.
Let me list some;
· Problems concentrating
· Problems with sleeping
· Fatigue
· Changes in eating habits
· Feeling anxious
· Irritability
· Feeling blue
ThesePPD can cause very much a bad impact on the pregnancy causing you to fall shortof proper nutrition and even cause addictions like alcohol and drugs which isinturn bad for the baby and the mother. Not to mention the depression itselfwhich can have an adverse effect. Many of the pregnant women ignore this aseither normal hormonal changes or some think that these are permanentdepression. But let me tell you, this is not a permanent phase, it might stay withyou for a little while after the pregnancy but it will go away after that. For methe postpartum depression was also unbearable. I was back in India with myfamily while my husband was abroad from around the fourth month. And that madeit even worse.
Now, ifyou want to survive this, there is only one way out . a hand that can help youto pull you together whenever you break down…. I had one – my husband’s and thevery person who made me get through it alive. The feelings are so strong thatyou normally end up in self rejection and I remember I spent 23/7 crying duringthose days. But instead of getting impatient and irritated with me, he stood byme, promised me that everything would be alright. I remember going over andover about how crazy I was. I was insecure and depressed. Everytime I saidsomething, he made me feel better by telling me its going to be okay! Even aftercoming to India, I called him every hour or so( the phone bills flooded him)but instead of complaining he told me it was temporary and everything would bealright. He stayed with me online in the evenings and even sent me googledpages on postpartum/prenatal depression.Once I remember him sending me a clipfrom scrubs that made me feel reaaally better . I will leave the link here. https://youtube.com/watch?v=vHlGjt6E_X8(seriously see it) Every time I talked I felt better. And I don’t know when butafter I came back abroad with the baby and everything, I guess the depressionjust went off and now I laugh at those days…. And whenever I mention it myhusband shakes his head and says “I almost committed suicide…. You called me 24times a day” and I would just say
“Thanks”
Iwanted to write this for all those women out there. It is said that 70% womenexperience this and around 10 – 15 % come under diagnostic depression. Both cases, in our country many of the doctors don’t do a great job explaining your trimestersor the pregnancy or these kind of problems. They just run a routine check upand gives you some prescriptions max. It was online sites like pregnancy.org,pregnancyweekly.com and babycenter that gave me a good idea about what I wasgoing through and that’s where I had the secondary support from. And also theGod and my faith In him that gave me the strength to fight my mind every dayfor the nine months.
Now I ama happy mother who has a loving little boy who just turned two and trust me I don’twonder about the attachment issue nowadays because I just miss him so muchwhenever he is not around. And I just feel teary whenever he is hurt. Now I knowits just temporary but something very serious.
For thewomen: This too shall pass. Nine months hold on….. trust and have faith on thepeople who are close to you. Share your feelings…it’s the only way out of thisdoom. Support forums online and if you fall under diagnostic depression, seekexpert help immediately.
For themen: You wife’s going through atough phase.trust me she sometimes feel suicidal even, stand by her andunderstand her. It’s the hormones not her.
Takecare all and always keep smiling….. Everything shall pass no matter how bad itis….
And hereis another link to the clinical details
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postnatal_depression
