Juggernaut Returnest-- Style Statements. Review on General Tips on Personal Grooming

SEVERAL times over, within the forty seconds that he had between alighting his car and entering the elaborate door at the swanky restaurant, Ajit(don’t bother who), adjusted his tie pin, his tie-knot, his collar, his belt, cuff-links, buckles and, bless my soul, his briefs by tucking his hands secretly(but for my prying eyes) around seven times. Briskly wiping his hands off at the kerchief he was carrying(bless my soul he did that), he exchanged pleasantries with the host at the door, who ushered him into the party, socialized with the guests, exchanged very profusely flirtatious one-liners with the really amazing ladies that were around, and scampered(so un-manly) to the lavatory.

Yes, there are people who take their appearance very seriously. =

THE very same evening, I, who was around with Ajit since he thought it looked rude to go alone, was wearing very dull red track-pants, a T-shirt that had apparently lewd stuff written on it(it only had “I’m Here” written but my fellow-guests didn’t take it too well), and floaters that had been very absent-mindedly strapped on. Consistent with that, I had my cell-phone dangling lunatically over my neck, with the screensaver message saying “He’s Doing Things” and the backlight on.

Well… there are those who don’t…==

==Style Is an Attitude=

By saying what I just said in the title, what I mean to say is that style is an attitude.(You might wonder why that was so significant an explanation—you see, since I’m studying my class 12 syllabus very seriously, I’m used to writing the same sentence seven times over in different forms and claiming to have written seven distinct characteristics and actually getting away with full credit. On this occasion, I don’t know if I managed the “getting away with it” part).

The title means that style is very much an attitude. Style is, among all other things it is, an attitude.(I think I’m studying too much).

Now let’s elaborate. You can’t come back from office at four, bathe and change into party-clothes and suddenly get stylish. You need to have it in yourself.(Consistent with my syllabus, let me add: Thus we find, with due observation and reasoning, that style is an attitude). There are people who have the choicest of brands to wear on themselves ending up looking nothing smarter than Monsieur Adnan Sami. And then there are Sami-lookalikes that can significantly impress even in a three-fourths and vests(say hello to my kind). How do you get it into yourself? That’s in the next section:

There is No Such Thing Called Style

Style is only an apparent concept and has no basis in reality. There is no material object or theoretical entity called style. Style is an imaginary attribute given to a set of observations…

(Class XII exams due 1st March, see?)

All right, let me elaborate on this one too. The biggest mistake people make to look stylish is to do something and start pretending to be someone they aren’t. Girls suddenly start pretending to be very social and very friendly and to be someone who has many admirers the moment they enter a group that has more than seven people in it(don’t ask my why I’m repeating seven so often). Boys pretend they’re hunks the moment they’re awake—in the bathroom, especially while bathing, if they do so in a bathtub(eek, I’m getting barmy). You will of course be generous enough to agree that I don’t have any such airs in my bathtub.

Real style lies in being yourself, as you are, without being rude. You don’t have to tell the other person that he knows nothing more than the clerk at the UCO Bank knows about condensates that disobey the Pauli’s exclusion principle(now do you know what that principle is? You see, Pauli stated that an atomic orbital… Class XII is so obsessive)… You can do simply by telling that person you were charmed to meet him and that had this evening not been in your fate, your life would have been very different(and then not smile at all). It’s complicated to explain.

Just be who you are, say what you would normally, eat the way you like to, talk only to those who you can tolerate and lo! You’re stylish! But of course, you don’t need to be rude even if you are yourself. Unless you are yourself rude.

Grooming in the Broom Room

To be well groomed and conforming to the standard meaning of it is to be a whole lot of things that slowly sap off all the sheen of living. You have to be smart, alert, active, enthusiastic yet composed, serene, imperturbable and calm, friendly yet curt, helpful yet taciturn, this yet that, these but still those… Hark don’t give a damn! All you really need to do is this:

1. Not wear trousers that slip off your waist.

   
   




2. Wear socks that don’t stink.

   
   




3. Sit on the chair with most of your behind on it.

   
   




4. Stand with most of your feet on the ground.

   
   




5. And speak with most of your mouth empty.

   
   

Whoa! You’re well groomed! Simple eh? All you need to be well groomed, therefore, is basic sensibility! You can groom yourself in the broom room minus the brooms!

Juggernaut Scamperst

I know my review was spectacularly nonsensical. Hey, I’m being stylish! I’m being myself!

Coming back to Ajit for just a while

I still never found out what his briefs and going back to the lavatory had to do with his appearance. My conjectures, given the knowledge of his sex, are too insane to relate just now…

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