There are bad comedies and then there are really bad comedies. The five below fall in the later category.
DUDE, WHERE?S MY CAR?
Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Seann William Scott, Jennifer Garner
Click, click, type, type?.backspace, delete, backspace. This is what I?ve been doing for the past 15 minutes. I seriously don?t know where to begin. This movie is that awful!
Dude, what a total waste of time!? this was my first reaction after watching this film. I could actually feel my brains cells evaporate. The inane plot revolves around Jesse(played by Ashton Kutcher) and Chester(played by Seann William Scott) who wake up one morning and can?t seem to remember anything what happened the previous night. Scratching their heads, they embark on a journey to retrace their steps and to locate their missing car, which contains presents for their girlfriends.
Slowly they discover, according to eyewitnesses, that their previous 12 hours included transsexual strippers, trashing their girlfriends house, buying donuts for the entire police force and getting tattooed. During their mission they are followed by a group of sexy aliens, who believe these idiots have a device(known as the continuum transfunctioner) that could destroy the entire universe! The plot keeps getting worse and worse. Dude, where?s my car? is a truly unintelligent and dumb movie. I rest my case by giving few dialogues from this movie.
Jesse-'Dude, where's my car?'
Chester-'Where's your car, dude?'
Jesse-'Dude, where's my car?'
Chester-'Where's your car?'
Jesse-'Dude, where's my car?'
Chester-'Where's your car, dude?'
Jesse-'Dude, it's not funny, dude. My car is gone!'
MARS ATTACKS!
Cast: Jack Nicholson, Glen Close, Pierce Brosnan, Annette Benning, Natalie Portman, Martin Short, Michael J. Fox, Sarah Jessica Parker, Tom Jones, Rod Steiger, Danny DeVito, Martin Short, Lisa Marie, Christina Applegate.
Mars Attacks, directed by talented Tim Burton(who made Batman), is a hugely disappointing sci-fi comedy. It is a spoof of the movie Independence Day and boasts an enormous star-studded cast. In this movie Earth is under attack by aliens from Mars, traveling in flying saucers. Worried US President Jimmy Dale(Jack Nicholson) is advised to use nuclear bombs by General Decker(Rod Steiger) but Dr. Donald Kessler(Pierce Brosnan) convinces everyone that the advanced Martians will be friendly and peaceful. Their first landing in the Nevada desert is quite amusing.
The Alien ambassador walks out of the spaceship and makes a circular motion and seeing this a human character exclaims, 'Wow, he made the international sign of the donut'. The first encounter turns into a massacre, but Dr. Kessler believes that it was a case of cultural misinterpretation and tries to make peace. But the Martians have other plans as they launch a determined strike to destroy and conquer Earth. There are few funny scenes, for example, a Martian disguised as a pro*titute seduces her way into the white house. But such comic moments don?t last very long. I believe this is Tim Burton?s worst creation so far.
THE CABLE GUY
Cast: Jim Carrey, Matthew Broderick
Elastic-faced Jim Carrey plays Chip Douglas, a weird and disturbed cable installer, willing to go any distance to make friends. Matthew Broderick portrays young architect Steven Kovacs who is dumped by his girlfriend in the beginning of the movie. He moves into a new apartment where he decides to get cable TV installed. This is the part where Chip enters his life and shows no sign of leaving. He offers him free cable, tries to help him get back his girlfriend and strives to become his best buddy. Slowly, he takes over Steven?s life and drives him insane in the process. Steven breaks up with his obnoxious new?buddy? and that?s when the fun is supposed to begin. Chip begins stalking Steven and is determined on ruining his life to regain his friendship.
Chip becomes vicious and menacing, but in the end we learn that he has had a tortured childhood and that?s why he?s desperately searching for friendship. I felt sorry for him when he says, 'I never knew my father, but the old TV was always there for me?. Ben Stiller does a good job as debutant director. The Cable Guy is not funny enough to be categorized as a comedy and it?s not creepy enough to be a psychological suspense movie.
SCARY MOVIE 2
Cast: Anna Faris, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Tim Curry
I have to admit, Scary Movie was somewhat funny, but its sequel Scary Movie 2 is absolutely deplorable. The Wayans brothers try to make a parody of several horror movies such as The Haunting, The Exorcist, Poltergeist, Hannibal, What Lies Beneath, Blair Witch and also non-horror movies like Mission Impossible 2, Charlie's Angels and Dirty Harry. The story is about the survivors of the high school massacre in Scary Movie- Cindy(Anna Faris), Ray(Shawn Wayans), Shorty(Marlon Wayans) and a few other fellow students.
They all take up a course in parapsychology and as part of an assignment they spend a night in a haunted house for a sleep study conducted by their college professor(Tim Curry) and his wheelchair bound crippled assistant. Chris Elliot plays the amusing butler of the haunted mansion with a deformed hand. The film starts off cleverly with a spoof of The Exorcist featuring James Wood as the priest suffering from diarrhea and Natasha Lyonne as the possessed girl. I felt this was the only funny stuff in the whole movie and things quickly deteriorate. All the jokes in this movie are gross and very crude. It?s not even half as funny as its prequel.
LEGALLY BLONDE 2
Cast: Reese Witherspoon, Sally Field, Luke Wilson
Reese Witherspoon is back as Elle Woods, an empty-headed and perky blonde attorney, in this hollow sequel along with most of the original cast. Only this time around the movie is much more annoyingly pink and gaudy. On the whole, this film is an abomination- utterly meaningless and senseless. In Legally Blonde 1, Elle follows her ex-boyfriend to Harvard but in this part she has graduated from Law School and is heading to Washington DC to petition for a ban on cosmetic testing on animals. Victoria Rudd, played by Sally Field, employs her and they both go on a crusade to get the?Bruiser?s Bill? signed by various congressmen. This is one of the dumbest and silliest movies I?ve seen in a very long time and would advice you to avoid watching it.
Before I finish, I just remembered a blonde joke:
How did the blond explain how her helicopter crashed?
She said it was getting cold, so she turned off the ceiling fan!
