Chandra: Hey all of you fabulous people, and welcome to the first ever, one-of-a-kind, and probably the only MS Valentines Day special of Blind Date! Today’s incredibly beautiful and beatific fortunate girl who will be choosing her Prince Charming from 4 lucky guys is Miss Rani!
Rani: (walks on, blowing kisses to everyone) Rani loves you all!
Chandra: er…I thought you were Rani…
Rani: I am! My name is Rani, so I call myself Rani. Anything wrong?
Chandra: hehe, no no, its all good! mutters first sign of bimbo spoilt-brattishness - referring to yourself in third person…SO lets bring on our first jammy writer! Jisne har gali mein machi di hai khalbali….woh hai the creative, the critical, and the ever so cool Ali, also known as coolcritic007
Ali: Arre kabh takh javaani chupaaogi Rani; kuwaaro ko kitna sataaogi Rani!
Rani: (giggles) Rani ne ghoonghat pehna hai kyaa?
Ali: Hey babes, remember it’s not all about looks, its all about Akshay Kumar.
Rani: Kyaa? But I thought it was all about me…
Ali: Don’t you think all that time wasted in front of the mirror can be spent watching something so much more interesting? Like watching Akshay rock on screen..
Rani: mirror? (looks at watch) Rani ka make-up touch-up time ho gaya! Bye-bye darlings, Rani loves you all!
Chandra: Oh, I’m so sorry Ali.
Ali: Don’t worry, she wasn’t really my type. Where as you on the other hand – I look at you, you look at me, aur ho gayi mushkil; And you became my destiny, tu hi meri manzil…
Chandra: Abhi!
Ali: Well actually it’s Ali. But I can be Abhi for you if you want my Chand.
Chandra: (blushes) hey listen…we’ll do one thing. Stick around for the show and then we’ll both go and see some Akshay Kareena horror…I mean starrer.
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Rani: (running back onto stage) Haai…where’s Ali gone? He was so cute!
Chandra: Er…he found somebody else…anyway, moving swiftly on Rani, I would like to introduce you to somebody known as nikamma1112 on Mouthshut. Although there are the occasional individuals (not mentioning any names) who aren’t very fond of him, most on Mouthshut seem to think he is the funniest thing ever.
Raj: (smiles idiotically) heh heh heh, aap hume khamakha sharminda kar rahe hai, as my idol rightly says. Hey Rani babes, although I’ve been missing from Mouthshut, I’m still here especially for you. Hmm, that’s a funny name; “here especially for you.” Well, actually I’m Raj, naam tho suna hoga?
Chandra: (smiling sweetly) Well, it is a very common name isn’t it?
Raj: That was funny, but not as funny as my jokes. 99% of MSians think I’m a funny bunny and the remaining 1% are in denial; I know they love me really. I mean Rani, ma chére, how can you not with my 'extremely original' Tom Cruise cut, and my 'entertaining' stories involving my dodgy reactions to Kareena exploding on the cinema screen? And obviously, I am the most modest person in the world; I am actually the KING of modesty.
Rani: Haai…Rani ko Raj se pyar hogaya, pehli nazar main pehla pyar hogaya…
Raj: No, no, no, you’ve got it all wrong, you’re supposed to sing Pehla Nasha…I mean what’s pehli nazar compared to pehla nasha? (dances in slow motion trying to imitate Aamir Khan, i.e. takes off his jumper and swings it around, whilst jumping in joy…but ends up backstage)
Chandra: Thank god…
Raj: (from backstage) No need to thank me, I haven’t done anything!
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Chandra: And after that interesting individual, let me introduce you to lucky valentine number three, who never fails to make any reader smile. Although more commonly in the match making business, he also longs for someone after rejection from a certain chandni..And I’ve heard that he’s become a disco jockey lately too, so without any further ado, let me introduce Mister Djay!
Dhananjay: Eh, what the hell do u think of yourself? Listen I know a tantric who can lock you in a bottle, so just beware yeah?
Chandra: Er…oh okay…but bottle don’t generally tend to have locks on them. And I doubt you could fit a girl into a bottle, even if she’s Riya Sen.
Dhananjay: Ah, girls. They are like buses. After every 5 minutes another one comes. Except those Bollywood patakhas! Even I couldn’t find girls like those in Bangalore. And trust me, if anyone knows where to pick up girls it’s me. Eh chhori you have no right to pick me, I will do all the choosing samjhe kyaa? I have already made good, nice couples on Mouthshut and you tell me to change now?
Rani: (on the verge of tears)But Rani was invited here!
Dhananjay:(gets out a gun and everyone screams)Chup kar varna tujhe, tere empty dimaag, tera becha hua dil aur tera make-up bhara chehra, sabh udaa doonga!
Chandra: (hiding under a table) And we’ll have to take a small break now to sort out this misfortune, but stay tuned for more fun and love on this very special Valentines Day Blind Date!
BREAK
Chandra: Welcome back break ke baad! After a lot of convincing, consoling and half a dozen security guards with weapons later we have overcome that…um…major blip and saved our gorgeous Rani. Are you ok now sweetie?
Rani: (fanning herself) Yes, Rani thinks she will manage
Chandra: And to compensate for that most unfortunate incident which you just had to go through we are now going to introduce you to a very charming and entertaining person. Although like nikamma, he has also done a Tushar Kapoor and gone gayab from Mouthshut for quite some time, he still never fails to amuse anyone with his personality disorder. Ladies and gentlemen, let me welcome, mister A!
A: Rani baby, all you should know is that I hate seductresses. But, for future references only, I am seduced by long, open, wet hairs. And I believe that pyar karne keliye ek hi mulaquat kaafi hai; which is why I go terrorising teenage girls by telling them I’m in love with them when they try to offer me healthy advice on my contradictory profile. Just then, a horde of girls followed by police officers come running onto stage screaming ''thats him! the one who kept following me!'' ''he tried to sneak into my house and make international calls from our phone'', ''he tried to steal tomatoes from out garden!'' he tried to do zabardasti with my cat!'' A runs off stage. continued in the comments=>
