Sep 30, 2006 10:24 PM
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"name a place where Divorce comes before marriage?" Answer - "Dictionary"? No, in actual life. I was amazed to find that the root cause for the increasing number of divorces taking place in our courtrooms are there even before their marriages are fixed, given the individual's character traits.
As Benjamin Franklin Says," Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards". One should have: The financial capacity, intellectual maturity and Physical ability to get married, no need to mention one should know why marriage is required.
Why Marriage is required?
Unlike few plants human beings cannot reproduce themselves. God had started an experiment by creating human beings. God needed the human being to live longer. At the same time he wanted to give him/her a new life with more wisdom and wish to give more opportunities in new environment and of course giving a new improved identity. He fixed the process in human beings in such a way that only with the help of a person from the opposite sex the reproduction is possible. And God also made sure that the opposite attracts. So, the first and foremost objective of marriage is reproduction of the self with the help of another individual. The new life is an extension of the two people. From that point a new life is born you simply cannot segregate the new life apart. Divorce is not possible physically. The new life has to continue in this world carrying the true identity of father and the mother.
A human child requires much more care than the little ones of animals. Did you remember the days you were moving with your chest on the floor? Till we get into our teens at least we need support to live in this world. After years of experiments the establishment of the set up called family rooted its place in the modern society.
Given the above basics, marriage is required to develop a personal harmony and living together feeling in the first place, before giving birth to a new generation. Marriage is very much required for the welfare of the child who was born in the relation. Without the bondage of marriage the new generation will strand in the streets and it will only create insecurity for the child and for the society. Moreover, love, companionship and togetherness receives in marriage will not get from any other relations.
Marriage is an opportunity to live in this world again. It is you responsibility to continue life in this beautiful world. It is your obligation to your ancestors who have dreamed to continue life in this world with you.
So, what is the problem?
The problem is that each individual have his/her set of changing demands/dreams/expectations about their soul mates. When we demand for something we also should have awareness about ourselves which many youngsters lack. Amiel Henry Fredric says, " To marry unequally is to suffer equally". Thomas Fuller gives a good observation as well "Choose a wife rather by your ear than your eye" The bottom line is, all those who wish to marry should know what is marriage, the physical, mental and financial requirements & the responsibilities to the partner, family and generations. Getting marrying means you are sharing half space everywhere you go, till you die – no till the end of the generations/till the end of the world!!! Friedrich Nietzsche throw a funny question. When marrying, one should ask oneself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this woman/man into your old age?
IF DIVORCES ARE FIXED BEFORE MARRIAGE, IT IS SIMPLY BECAUSE THE PARTNERS DON'T KNOW WHAT MARRIAGE IS IN THE FIRST PLACE OR THEY ARE NOT PREPARED FOR IT.
OK, we married without knowing. What we can do now?
1. Love is the first and foremost solution for most of the sicknesses out of marriage. Love your partner with your heart. We have our own merits and weaknesses so is our partner. Accept and love your partner as he/she is.
Respect your partner. Make your relation one in that both respect each other.
Share minor things each other, so as the major things in life. Many marriages fail because partners failed to find time to talk each other in a busy life.
Keep the family values, but not at the expense of marriage. Consider your partner's family members as your family members.
Make your partner happy in sexual relations. It is often considered as a taboo talking about sex. But in marriage, there is no need of inhibitions and partners should talk each other on the subject of sex and they have to experiment and find out how to make their sexual relation a success story in long term. Remember, the emotion of sex is not made by the physical body, but it is more a mental business. Keep your partner happy and learn how to be happy in the relation.
Be your partner's best friend. But make sure that you and your partner have other good friends well. Visit their places together, often.
Trust your partner. Be trustable as well.
Have a family budget. Be strict with it. Don't be a miser, many don't like it. Don't be a loose spender you cannot afford it for more.
Gifts, use it for patching up your relations. Good gifts don't need more words. Your partner will be always talking to you. Take your partner to new environments. Have a tour, way away from all the problems in between.
To sum up, all those who are not married, may understand the duties, responsibilities, opportunities and obligations of marriage and select their partners wisely. Those who decided to be separated, they can take that risk but I feel it is always worth a try before giving it up. For all those who wish to improve on a falling relation, there are always ways to improve it. For all those who are running a happy family life, marriage is a treasure which is enjoyable in itself for many reasons and it produces more worthy treasures for next generations. Marriage is a garden where new roses are planted. Water it, take care of it, so that new flowers can be born and spread good odour to the world, for the pride of the gardner- i.e. you!!!
