My take on Mr.nair 's article on Sex and Marriage. Review on Common Sexual Problems

Mr.Nair's Review on Sex , Marriages made me think a bit .Instead of presenting what I feel on these matters and thrusting my binary opinion  , i thought I can point out the both the ends of rods !!!Having crossed the Teen age and nearing my marriage , i think I can summarise what my teen brothers/sis  feel , what elders feel and present a few pointers .

I would like to present few fundamental points which will make you think abt broader perspectives  .Please read it completely all the points and then post ur opinions .I have not given answer to whether Pre-Marital sex is right or not -Not that iam afraid , but I feel this is a subjective one .

1.At 15 or say 16 , our minds are very fresh .It questions everything , goes ahead with all the energies .At 15 ,  direction is required.In lot of cases , it is diffuclt to decide what is the most important thing in LIFE at that time .At 16 , the ego rises , the feeling of 'I know -it -all' and I can do anything .This is basically a brute confidence one has on one-self at that age as the  energies are high at that time .This energy needs some direction and  vision .This comes from expereinces shared by elders in some way -though not always .

2.Fundamentally , everybody has the right to live how he wants .You cannot thrust some body's throat  and ask him to live in a particular way .Normally I have seen , elders give advises .But when they give , they mix what has happened in their life , what they fear and they thrust the same to the Teen .But inspite of all this , in my expereince I have found that, after removing their 'fears' , 'subjectivness'from what they advise  , there is always some fundamental truth in what they say .I did find what they advised to be meaningless and narrow minded in my Teens but after 6-7 years , i feel the fundamental truth behind them was correct .

1. .In matters of sex , if you expereince sex the happiness you get out of it will bias your opinion at young age  heavily .Sex , no doubt has lot of excitment , energy associated with it .It has lot of power -Infact any happiness has lot of power behind that .

But sex with no foundation of relationship has no values .A best exercise may be to think of two lives .A life with a relationship with sex and life with sex but no relationships .If we close our eyes , let our imagination run  much as possible to every detail of both the lives , you will feel the one with relationship has more power , value , completedness and peaceful .Because fundamentally all the values in Life comes from GIVE AND TAKE and that is possible only in relationships .

4.Shifting back again , i feel our elders have to recognise change .Our society is changing , continously changing .How it was in 1900 , is different from 1950 s.There will be few differences , like dating , love may come into our Indian Lives .We have to accept them , but not lose our values and direction .

There is no right age for dating /sex /love -

The ony question you would like to ask your self is whether you are ready for a relationship and you r  aready to share and learn to love some body .In my expereince , i have found at teen , its most likely that we love out of energy we have , we tend to look for 'GIVE LOVE ' to me than ' TAKE Love ' from me .Because its nice to have  a partner with us , it compells us to fall into that without considering all other factors .

Plus you can consider the social factors, Peer pressure  .

In matters of Pre-Marital Sex , Love , dating - I would suggest these things to my fellow teen brothers and sis and parents .

1.You have very right to do what you want .But please know for sure that you need not learn things in life by expereincing few things , getting hurt and then learning from them .You can learn from some elders , other's expereinces too !!!

2.Secondly -Please imagine how your life is going to be with pre-marital sex , One night Stands , loose morals .Not just from happiness point of view , but from all point of view - Namely your career , your relations with friends , with parents  and above all the value you feel in LIFE .

3.My dear elders - Just give some space to them .Give them some directions and wait for them to learn .Mistakes they make are powerful learning guides .As a parent , i can understand your feeling of your son getting into bad habits .But wait for some time , he will come back , if your direction is correct and ur communication of his lack of vision in his life is correct .In my experience , its ONLY THE LACK OF VISION , DIRECTION, PROPER IMAGINATION  that causes all the problems

I don't want to blame teens -They Need DIRECTION , not just advises .They need examples to see , understand .Also , believe that they are also learning LIFE in their own ways -It takes some mistakes , hurt feelings , happiness and all to understand LIFE .SO give them some space and TIME .Give them your love , time to them -thats what they need .Please believe , they will recognize ur love, that may take some time , even few years to understand that  !!!!!

FInally , i condemn MOUTHSHUT admin for allowing to post sex related topics and allowing everybody to access .Sex is a nice topic after some age-every and and woman should read it at an appropriate age  .When you want to discuss it for teens , the format and presentation has to be different .You cannot  discuss sex in the same way to guy who is gonna getting married and a guy who hasnt finished his 10 th standard exams !!