Don't work? Don't earn? Don't have a boss? Don't worry! Because this review will be for gifting any of those lovely people who are in the position of power, in other words better than you are. If at any point in this review, I refer to a boss then assume that it means either a boss at work, or a teacher; lets just classify a boss as somebody who makes you do things that you would much rather not be doing.
When people boss you around, you either hate it.or you hate it. The human race has been made such that the slightest bit of being a bossy boots from any person will create a tinge of annoyance, and in no time at all, they will be your worst enemies. However, with bosses, there is a difference. Even if you truly detest them, any sign of outer hatred for your work will land you with a big sign saying You're fired! or Detention! or Guess who's grounded tonight?. The problem with bosses is that you have to bear their bossiness without complaint.
Have you ever gone to work or school or university and thought about the things you would much rather be doing? And then you see your boss quietly stalking away to go out on a date with his latest goldigger girlfriend? That could be you, but not by years of hard, hard, hard work, but by some simple strategic techniques, which will land you in his/her good books in no time.
The fine print: some simple chamchagiri! And chamchagiri is shown by.some great gifts!
1. How about actually attempting to do work?
I know, and do I know, how hard it is to focus, concentrate, give your attention to doing that boring thing we call work. Whether its filing, paperwork, algebra or sweeping the kitchen, we find 1001 excuses not to do them. And however dim and stupid you think your boss may be, you will find that most of the time, they do happen to notice, because the thing is, you're supposed to be doing their work, which you aren't and you then pass it on to somebody below you on the work scale(if in school you bribe someone.) And if they too ignore it, then that work will eventually end up being shredded and someone will end up fired.
Therefore, the clever thing to do is to actually do some work, even if it is just a tiny bit or even pretend that you're working very hard, when you in fact have a pair of headphones and mini TV hidden away. The idea is that your boss will think that you work too hard, so give you a holiday, or you may become so sick at doing all of this work that you have to take sick leave. Either way, faida hi faida!:-)
2. S*cking up is the best way.
Have you ever insulted your boss? Have you ever laughed at him/her to his/her face. If you have then you will know that publicly humiliating your boss by putting glue on their seat isn't a good idea. Because after that, you will be singled out for the rest of your life. You will be the one who gets evil stares, the most work, has to come into work the earliest and go the latest and doesn't get invited to any of their cool parties.
The best option is simple, blatant s*cking up. We are all very vain and I think that we would all like nothing better than somebody coming up to us and saying'you are looking totally gorgeous today!' Bosses are the vainest of them all: so one of the best gifts to give is obviously a compliment. Even if they are the ugliest, most hideous trolls in the world, I'm sure that you'll be able to find something to praise, even if its just, 'er.well.the colour of your er.tights is very, well.unusual.' I'm sure the arrogance of the boss will lead them to take it as a compliment, and then guess who'll be getting the longest holiday?
In very unfortunate cases, your boss may end up asking you out, in which case make any excuse(but never say'no'), but if your boss is Abhishek Bachan, then say yes to anything he asks, no dus bahaane. Like I say: 'A bahana a day keeps your boss away, but if your boss is cute then stuff the excuse.':P
3. If there is no hope, then try the money back approach!
Lets say your boss is a complete loser, who thinks everyone should work all the time and sees right through your s*cking up. You live your days at work in complete terror, and your boss is continuously giving you the evils. This is when as a last resort, you turn to the money back approach.
This basically means giving him/her the money he/she used for your miserly pay cheque, but in the form of a material gift. Assuming that you are very well acquainted with your boss(or you've been at the same desk for 50 years with 65 different bosses!), you will know what he/she likes. If we are talking about a teacher kind of boss then he/she would probably not be grateful for a book about the subject they teach, similarly I doubt your work boss will be enthralled by a 508 page book on the problems with accountancy. Instead, try going for perfumes, jewelery, any interesting story book or flowers if she is a woman, or if a man then try a wallet, perfume or a shirt. Materialism is the best(and the cheapest) form of flattery, and it is completely fool proof.
Your evil boss will be so amazed by his/her wonderful gift that maybe he/she may even smile! But keep trying: like I say, one loss is equivalent to a hundred wins.
4. Phir bhi naa aaye hasna, tho khana zaroor khilana!
The final way of getting in your bosses' good books is through their heart. The way to a boss's heart is through his/her food. Take him/her out to a restaurant, and unfortunately, you will have to take the money back approach again.(So many kurbanis for your boss!) Bring him/her a little tiffin from home full of your lovely burnt cooking: a mushy green sabzi with whats supposed to be a roti but looks like an oreo. The boss will feel your utmost care for their well-being and you will become his/her favourite in no time.
If this doesn't work, then maybe your boss will get food poisoning from the oreo and end up off work for a month. Phir, juice pivanu, carrom ramvanu, maja ni life!:P
The way to your bosses hearts is through cheap flattery: and I think this may actually be true. I think these four gifts apply to anyone and everyone. The problem with the modern society is that we are easily fooled. And the best way to fool us is through compliments and praise.
5. Friendship is the best gift
These four gifts are just funny ways of trying to get into your boss's good books, but I think the best gift you can give your boss, and indeed anyone is friendship. Make friends with your boss, show them that you care, show your utmost dedication and hard work, and thats when you will be valued the most. Cheap flattery only has short-term effects but friendship lasts a life time.
If in your life you find the number of true friends as the number of fingers on one hand, then you are a lucky person. If you find more than this then you are one of the luckier people in the world. If however, you find that one best friend, who you would do anything for and vice versa, then you are the luckiest person alive. And who knows? You may find that in your boss!
Lean on me, when you're not strong,
I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on,
Cos, I'm gonna need, somebody to lean on.
Don't forget to RRC.:-)
