Lord of the Jackasses: Return of the queen. Review on Chandrakantha

This ''epic'' fantasy serial set in the middle (or dark) ages is Hindian answer to LOTR. Having ''spell bound'' the Indian TV goers for more than a year (or was it two or three?) before the fellowship between the Idiot Box & this epic was broken. Directed by the one & only Ms. Nirja Guleri.

Any pretense of sanity in this serial vanishes after the ''Star'' on the fore-head of the second-hero vanishes in the 2nd or 3rd episode. With this hero blabbering about the ''shame'' of a Muslim bearing a star on his forehead ( Grand Mufti ... Are you listening? time to give a fatwa to bar stars on the forehead? ... eh..?) & his father going all the way to Mecca to get this ''fashion accesory'' of his son removed (without even telling us why he got this ''gift'' in the first place...?) Grrr...

After a few episodes the ''title'' heroine vanishes ( after a tiff with Ms. Guleri the venerable director of this epic) & the serial becomes ''Shiva-kaantha''. Welcome to the ''Lord Of the Jackasses'' Shivdutt a cross between a vampire & a vish-purush ( mythical poison men who kill with a poisonous kiss, literally).

Now the whole country (Shivgadh) knows that court belles are killed on ''Puran Maasi'' (Full moon), they hear the screams coming from the palace & find the dead bodies fallen outside the King's window. Yet have no idea it is their King who butchers the babes.!!! Duh.. 'dumb' jackasses. And the honour of ruling this kingdom goes to Mr. Shiv Dutt the ''Lord of 'dumb' Jackasses''.

The character of Shivdutt the ''lady killer'' undergoes a ''heart transplant'' when his wife is nearly killed & Lo!!! he becomes the ''Hero'' of the serial (hero's contract ended?) a la Dr. Lecter in ''Hannibal''.

Now the real story (or lack of it) begins... People start getting killed every minute & are brought back to life with ''Sanjeevini Bhooti'' (elixir of life) as if it was available in the next door ''Dhaaba'' (indian motel?)

When the supply of ''Sanjeevini'' is exhausted, Ms. Guleri invents the ''Cloning machine''. For every person who dies his/her identical twin (sometimes triplets, quadraplets) keep popping up vowing to take revenge ( a lesson on family values?). Everyone seems to have (sometimes evil) twin except thankfully the director/producer of this mind- numbing serial.

( Fortunately Ms. Guleri hasn't read about ''Plastic Surgery'' perfected by Sushrutha & Charakha in ancient India... Thank God...)

Did I forget to mention Kroor Singh with that strange hairdo (the envy of any ''Rock'' star), croaking ''Yakku... Yakku... Wake up... Wake Up...'' vainly to prevent us from dozing off? Or valiant warriors fighting with lighted ''tube lights'' (a la laser swords in Star Wars')?

Now all of a suddenly the title heroine ''returns'' (out of court settlement?). The grand ''Return of the Queen'' after some 100 episodes. But DD1 is by then tired of this ''Nonstop nonsense'' & refuses extension. Ms. Guleri in true traditions of this serial pulls a ''coup'' & moves the serial to ''Star TV'' ( from the beginninig!!! Oh, Lord have mercy on hapless TV viewers...)

Then the Indian courts step in & throw this epic into the cauldrons of ''endless legal wrangles''. The ''circus ring'' is finally broken...!!!

The ONE SERIAL to bind all the hapless TV goers, rule over the ''Idiot Box'' (help us...) & nearly forcing us into darkness (switching off the TV or better sell it off) has ended.

But wait... the story doesn't end here. A few 'Nazguls' (the ring-wraiths) like Ms. Ekta Kapoor & Mr. Karan Johar ( Maa... Meri Chunni Kahaan hai.. Bapu... tears... tears... Torrential rain of tears) ''pick-up'' from where this epic ends.

Welcome Ms. Kapoor the inventress of ''Modern Marvels of Plastic Surgery'' (which changes even a persons height, weight, complexion etc.) who unfortunately cannot use (yet) Ms. Guleri's ''Cloning machine'' due to patent problems. Anyway she managed to snatch ''Sanjeevini'' from Ms. Guleri.

Mr. Johar, the new ''Bobbitt'' (Hobbitt) of Indian cinema who has brought about a revolution in mens fashion (with all the heros wearing ''Salwar Kameez'') picked up a lesson or two on family values from this serial & his producer ''Dad'' crying over his ''flopped'' films ( and hence the theses of crying a.k.a K3G)

Welcome to the ''Two (Twin) Towers'' of Hindi entertainment out to maraud & destroy whatever sanity has been left behind by Ms. Guleri.

Now the scariest part (why this review as written in the first place) is Ms. Guleri is starting three more serials, ''Cobra'' a suspense serial (Hope it doesn't bite... er... bore us to death), a mythological one ( Lord of the Laughs - LOL) & a ''Daily Soap'' (are we surprised!!!).

Please ask your cablewallah to remove 'STAR Plus' before the 'Return of the Queen'

(Read https://screenindia.com/jan15/tele3.htm )