Oct 15, 2002 07:42 PM
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(Updated Oct 16, 2002 02:23 PM)
Being successful at interviews – an interesting topic! In order to be successful at interviews, first of all, one needs to understand the goals of an interview. Be clear about your goal, which is to employ a company to provide means for satisfying your various needs – physical, mental and emotional. It is very important that the decision to choose the right company is taken after full consideration and thought.
Once you have accepted the invitation from the company to attend the interview, make sure that you reach the venue a few hours late. It is vital that you give the impression to the company that needs your services, that you are a very busy person and not desperate to be employed with them.
First Impression is the last impression. Once you are taken into the interviewing room, carefully inspect the person pretending to interview you (I say, pretending, since it is you who will be interviewing the interviewee, who is under the mistaken impression that he/she is the interviewer) Look carefully at the attire of the person pretending to interview you. Is it casual or too formal? If he is wearing a tie around his neck, then don’t waste your precious time and escape immediately. Why? Isn’t it obvious? Would you like to provide your services to people who put nooses around their neck? After all, they would expect you to do the same! My advice always will be stay away from people/organizations where you are expected to adhere to a dress code/uniform. Any kind of uniform is bad and seeks to control you. Don’t be fooled by the high-sounding titles that you will be bestowed upon. Remember, a chaddi-walla, always remains a spineless, remote-controlled chaddi-walla, even if he becomes a Prime minister of a nation. Chaddis or Ties – they are all the same, symbols of subjudication.
If you are satisfied about the attire, then start asking questions. If you don’t, the interviewer would! Ask anything that comes to your mind – about the company, its growth potential, marketing strategy. Ask about the working conditions – is there provision for flexi-hours? What is the nature of the work, the remuneration that the company would be able to provide to you etc. Demand to see the Balance Sheet of the company – scrutinize it carefully to check weather the claims made by the interviewer are genuine. Compare the profit percentages, P/E ratios, reserves/borrowing ratio etc with the previous years to verify if the company is on the right curve. Make completely sure, the company you are going to employ is in a position to meet all you present and future demands.
Often, the interviewer will try to force in and ask you questions, useless questions about your capabilities, your skills, your attitude etc. Don’t allow yourself to fall into his trap. Once you start answering such questions, you will be barraged with more such silly questions. Sometimes these interviewers will even have the audacity to ask you about your weaknesses. Put the interviewer in his place, by evading such questions with practiced ease. Remind him that you are a professional, who knows his job. Act snooty. If you haven’t learnt how to be snooty in an interview room, think about your family doctor. Imagine how he will act, if you ever dared to question his ability to treat you. It is always important to have a high self-esteem. It doesn’t matter that you need the job more than the company needs your services. Always imagine that you are a like a doctor while the company who needs your service is like a patient. You are the solution-provider that will help the company run more efficiently and remove its weaknesses and not vice-versa.
Try to find more about the people who own and run the company – the top honchos. What is their attitude towards their work? Are they like the work-alcoholics who eat, sleep and dream about the company? Are they suffering from high blood pressure, stress and other such work-related disorders? If they are, then it is a good sign. It means they are working their b.u.t.t.s off to keep the finances of the company in good shape and provide for the shareholders and employees. On the other hand if they appear to be relaxed, easy-going type of personalities who manage to find time to play golf and go on month-long vacations to exotic locations, then it means that you are expected to work your a.s.s off to keep them in such a state. Stay away from such companies – you don’t want to ruin your good health for paying someone else’s European vacations.
Under the present depressed market scenario, it is unlikely that you will be able to find a company that will be able to meet all your requirements. If that is the case, don’t employ any company. It is better not to employ an employer, rather than select an undeserving employer, who will be a drain on your mental, physical and emotional resources without any corresponding benefits.
What about the bills, food, clothing, shelter and hundreds of other living expenses? Don’t worry about them. Beg, borrow or steal – to meet your financial needs. I will give you the Anarchist cookbook version 2000 & Underworld Survival Guide – it will teach you everything – counterfeiting money, credit card frauds, lock-picking etc. everything you need to survive without having to wearing ties and saying “Good Morning, Sir” every f morning, when all you want to do is to lie by the window with Joseph Heller’s “Catch-22” or “Closing Time” and have a big hearty laugh at the insanity that is called Life.
