Main shayad saat saal ki thi, jab maine pehli baar basketball khela,
Meri teacher ne mujhe data, maine ball ko toda,
Hum dono mai jagra tho hua
My first lesson: My lovely teacher, who goes by the name of Miss Young (javaani kabhi jaati nahi) attempts to explain the rules of basketball to us. She shows us the two equal halves of the court, with the boundary lines and two semi-circles at either end drawn in. Apparently, we’re not allowed to cross the lines, depending on what position we play. We think differently. She tries to make us play ‘pakda pakdi’, staying within the boundaries of the court. We manage to escape from the fire exit and continue our game down the street. It takes her two hours to find us. The lesson ends.
My second lesson: Taking another brave stab at teaching us, she tells us the aims of the game. We have to shoot the basketball into a hoop at either end of the court, depending on which team we’re playing for. We accept this, so Miss Young being comforted, decides to let us aim for the hoops. That was probably the biggest mistake of her life. Each of us takes a ball and aim for the hoop, but somehow, miraculously, the balls end up going everywhere. Eventually, a ball fight emerges with all of us kiddies trying to hit each other with the ball, trying to stuff the balls up our t-shirts to look like ‘pregnant mummy’ (remember, we were only 7) but obviously we just ended up looking like miniature Preity Zintas!
My third lesson: This time, our teacher attempts to show us the different positions of basketball players. There’s a centre player, who is allowed to go anywhere on the court except for the two end semi-circles, and her/his role is simply to keep possession of the ball. There are two defence players, whose main job is to stop the ball from getting in, and two attacking players who have to get the ball in. All of this information just goes straight over our heads, so when she puts us in our rightful ‘positions’, everybody just runs after the ball, not caring where we go or how many people we ambush on the way. Miss Young walks off the court to relieve herself with a cup of double espresso.
My fourth lesson: This is by far the most interesting we had; Miss Young teaches us how to dribble the ball! At first, we think she’s asking us to literally dribble, so the balls get a bit gooey, but later she informs us that dribbling is bouncing the ball up and down. I get a bit over excited and bounce my ball so hard that it bangs into the wall, and bounces off it straight on to my teacher’s head. Big problem; teacher faints. We get a jug of cold orange juice (we couldn’t find any water) and throw it over her (the juice not the jug…we’re not that mean). She regains consciousness, screams and runs away. That’s the last we ever see of her. sob sob
My fifth lesson: Was cancelled because of the lack of a replacement teacher. :-)
My sixth lesson: We have a new teacher called Inda Hoop; a big, big man, with huge bulging muscles who terrifies the hell out of us. He teaches us about the three d’s: discipline, determination and death-if-we-don’t-do-what-he-says! The discipline factor ties in with the rules; we’re not allowed to touch another person whilst playing basketball, or we’re disqualified. With him around, none of us talked let alone touched each other. Another rule he teaches us is not to walk with the ball if it is in our possession. To escape from this problem, none of us actually try and catch the ball, which makes him madder. Thankfully then, it’s the end of the lesson.
My seventh and final lesson: Inda Hoop teaches us how to shoot; we have to hold the ball firmly with one hand, supporting it loosely with the other and then with the right amount of back swing, aim at the hoop and score. Unfortunately, my bouncing problem still exists, so the ball bounces off the hoop and hits him on the head. He doesn’t faint but his face goes all purple and he looks as if he’s about to murder me. I start crying…and when my mummy arrives to pick me up, I’m still positively bawling my eyes out. Putting on a sweet and sugary face, I tell my mummy ‘howw mmean teacher is’, and she angrily goes to complain to the basketball authorities.
My teacher and I shared one thing in common; we both left those classes on the same day. :P As I turned to leave I gave him a small yet incredibly evil smile! (lol...I was such a conniving little child! :P)
Obviously, some time later I entered the realms of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, which completely relieved me of my hatred of basketball, and mixed with my desire of getting a Kajol hair cut. (Except the hairdresser mistook the amount of hair I wanted cut off for the amount of hair I wanted left, so I looked like a tomboy for a while, but no matter because it’s all grown back now! :-)) So now I’m an as enthusiastic basketball player as you would ever wish to see! (or not)
Some more relevant information
The scoring system of basketball is pretty different to other sports; you get 2 points if a basket is scored within the end semi-circle, 3 points if its outside the semi-circle and sadly, only 1 if you get a free throw after a foul! (I personally think you should get compensation for the ‘severe’ injuries after a foul.)
To defend the ball you should turn away from your defensive player and dribble the ball with your back to him/her, with one hand out as obviously this is a non-contact sport.
But obviously every sport carries with it some dire injuries like the ones my two teachers had. Also in some of my current basketball lessons, we’ve had a dislocated knee, a sprained wrist and a few broken ankles (lol, maybe its just my presence). Even MS hasn’t escaped from these injuries; a ball hit a certain member and her finger swelled to triple its size! And she’s a good basketball player too…;-)
And one more thing; for those of you wonderful girlies out there who haven’t seen Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, go out there and play this game! There aren’t many famous female basketball players and we all know there’s somebody out there who can make it as big as Michael Jordan. Your talent is lying undiscovered. And don’t let height be a problem, because I know lots of people who are as short as short can be and still rock at basketball!
For guys who don’t play basketball…:P (hehe kidding, go out there and play this too!)
Sorry for this weirdness of a review, feel free to RRC however you wish! This ones dedicated to Anusha (krazy4sonu) because she cheered me up so much when I was upset that I was compelled to write a review! But wait, don’t aim the brickbats at her for that! :-)
Don’t forget to RRC…:-)
