ICSE was on head and I was struggling hard to get over my fears of passing it with atleast a first division. More than anything else what mattered to me was my parents shouldnt lose face in front of others when they ask about my results. As always outsiders are more interested in what we do and what we dont. What we should and what we shouldnt.
Career focus is something which was new to me and I felt out of place when someone spoke about engineering and taking up science in a reputed college post tenth. May be I was a fool or just not bothered. What mattered and interested me was painiting, dancing, singing, playing in the garden and dressing up like film stars. All this seemed useless and I looked like a joker to discuss in parties, marriages and pujas wherever there was a huge crowd gathering.
Anyways my results were out for the Selection exams, which are like 15 days before ICSE. Just a 63%. I was happy but was welcomed with a bang on bum with a broom when I stepped into my house that evening. Mom was blabbering like the ceiling was just about to break her head and like something has happened which was not supposed to. Come on its natural that with all the interest put together for studies, I have scored more than expected. She should have greeted me with sweets and chocolates. Then started the endless speech on who became what and blah blah. Believe me I cannot repeat those words which demeaned me so much that I started doubting my presence. I really felt I am the reason of all misery in my parents life. I just couldnt focus on my studies. My books were wetted and my eyes were filled with tears and not alphabets. I started looking at options like the fan, kitchen knife, pills, posion to end myself to end my parents misery. May be I would have.
All that stopped me from doing this was my dad's palm on my head. He just kissed me on my forehead and said I have faith in you. You are world's best daughter. These words still ring in my ears whenever I am in a questionable and difficuly position even today. They were like magic words which helped me sail through my fear of losing on myself and facing everyone. Results were out but I was still normal because by then I had gained my lost confidence in self. I scored a 90.3%. It was no surprise as I knew I would excel.
The point behind narrating my prior experience here is, if we are able to create awareness amongst all that Suicide is not the way out of your problems, then lets do it. I know it hurts when we fail in the task taken, but may be we are not meant for the task or may be the task was not meant for us. Then why shall we lose something valuable for something not meant for us?? I sometimes feel that may be parents just try to justify their failures in life through their children by being strict about certain things. Thats not right. Every individual is born with a certain route to take and he reached his/her destiny no matter what he does. Not saying that we should stop trying. But even trying is part of destiny.
It is really a sad thing to see these days that kids are committing suicide for such small things as not doing well in exams. Life is full of exams. If not one then may be the other one is waiting for you right there. Go for it and get it. Thats called LIFE.
Friends add on to this.. This is not just my DP. Lets make it a combined effort to put across the right thoughts in the right way.
