When the PTA's chairwoman asks if you wouldn't mind running the bake sale or your coworker pleads with you to take over his project while he's on vacation, it's easy - not to mention incredibly nice - to agree to help out. What's hard is following through when you're booked with your own work and family obligations. The solution is to say no. Firmly, politely, and without resentment. The trick? Keep it short. Here's what really works:
"No, but thank you for asking." This one is genius. He's aksing the favour, but you thank him for thinking of you as you firmly close the door. It works with just about any kind of request, and the asker rarely knows how to respond - hence, no push back!
"I'd love to, but I simply can't make that big a commitment. Is there some other way I could help out?"Here you're making it crystal clear that you aren't available for the task being pressed upon you, but you're not completely blowing off the person in need either. No one can hate you when you're offering to lend a hand elsewhere.
"I'm not able to take that on right now."This is code for "I do not have room in my life for it, and if I took it on, not only would it not get done, but I'd probably end up getting angry over it." It's as much about levelling with yourself as it is with the person asking.
"No, but I bet so-and-so can help you." This is a solid no with a generous side of helpfulness. And think of all the wonderful folks you can recommend in your place! (If it's a particularly onerous chore, be sure to sugest your meddlesome neighbour.)
"I'm really not okay with that." Sometimes it's all right to use your no to set the record straight about your position, especially when the request goes against your values. "I'm afraid I don't support that casue/candidate/organization."
- Reader's Digest, October 2011.
