I used to be romantic. A believer. I used to feel that love in any form will last for ever. But life has taught me otherwise. The dark side of growing up is that somewhere down the line we stop expressing ourselves…
Didn’t you as a kid naturally gravitate towards people who ‘gave’ something to you? It could be someone who gives gifts. Someone who spent time with you, or someone who paid attention to you and spoke endlessly with you.
I feel that we never really grow out of this habit of conditional love. Everyone yearns for attention. Deep down we are all seekers of love. We only stop expressing it as we grow older.
So for me, every relationship requires a give and take. Nothing must ever be taken for granted. My child expects me to lavish time and attention on her. If I stop doing that – our bond will wither away. I know of cases where mothers have allowed the maid to raise the child and the child consequently is more attached to the maid. So this natural mother-child bond is a myth. If you don’t invest something into a relationship it will simply be an association by name.
All I’m trying to say is love does not last for ever.Ratherit must be made to last for ever. It must never be taken for granted. The happiest marriages are where both the husband and wife lavish attention on each other. He remembers her birthdays, her favourite colour, her favourite flavour of ice cream…She remembers his special day and makes him his favourite dishes as a surprise. If a couple do not invest this energy into the relationship – it will simply be a marriage in name.
Why do our parents expect us to call them every other day and give a report of our life? Yes, they care about us. But also because they want us to give them that attention and importance. They have done their duties and settled us into our lives – now we need to do ours by telling them every other day how much they mean to us. We may not ever say it in so many words. But the fact that we call them – simply endorses it.
There are friends we don’t keep in touch with. But we remember to call them on their birthday or their anniversary and wish them. Just our subtle way of telling them that we remember them and we care for them. Why do we feel the need to do that?
In conclusion I need to say that all views expressed here are my own dark ramblings – on a day when I suffer from a terrible migraine and the tea boy is taking his own time to come! Forgive me if I have hurt some sentiments…
