Every Ramadhan and Bakird, my cousin Aayesha comes back from Gulf where her Hubby has a Job, just like the thousands from Hyderabad, to spend those Eid Holidays with Family and Friends. It was an annual Ritual for her.She used to divide her time between the in-laws and mom's place.
As long as She was at her Mom's place with Hubby and Kids,She was Happy. But She, Often complained about spending those festivals days with in-laws. She Often Used to come back will long face. When Quizzed, What went Wrong Its was the same answer, "Well I had no choice".
We all would also like to have our desires fulfilled either in terms of money, power, pleasure, acceptance, etc, but at the same time avoid the pain of guilt, hassles, face loss etc.
We used to discuss the options she had and why does not she use them. We all have a choice. So one Day A few years back, we sat down to find a solution and the various options she had were as follows:
Tell her hubby, that she was not willing to go over for the festivals. Too much of grief and long face from her Hubby. And the fact that she will be feeling guilty.
Allow her Hubby and children to go over, while she stays back at her mom's place and enjoy the festivity. She can do her own thing of enjoying with her cousins and family. Oops, This was Out of Question, because she want her Family around her.
Well She can actual not come down to Hyderabad from Gulf, by giving some excuse and staying back in Gulf. Well her in-laws are getting old and She wonders how long will they be around and so she prefers to be with them.
Well She can actually Ask them to come over to Gulf and celebrate with them. Oops quite a Expensive way to avoid them, if they fall for the trap.
Well Then I suggest Spend one Eid with them and the other with her family. She Choose to enjoy both the festivals with alternative families, which seems by far the best and easiest and cheapest option for her.
Thus Aayesha Comes to the realization that by choosing to spend alternatively Eids at her in-laws and her home, she is satisfying her own personal and emotional needs. By taking responsibility for the choice she makes, She decides not to feel miserable every time there is a Festival around the corner and spoil the mood of hers as well of the family.
Had she Not acted on any of the solutions I offered she would have been seriously threatening her future relationship and family.
Similarly when we decide to take the responsibly for our own actions, rather than blaming others, it paves way for us to find solutions to achieve the life we desire...
Dilemmas of Personal Happiness and Social/Family Obligations and our efforts to maximize one undermines the success we have with the other. Faced with an apparent conflict of interest, we tend to become even more ardent self destructive in escalation of the situation. The tension by all enduring dilemmas which are never really resolved, only managed more or less well. If You solve one the next is ready in ur dish, So the on-going nature of dilemmas makes a process for finding solutions more valuable than any particular solution.
Well She Choose her options carefully and made a suitable choice. Why Did I recall it Now? Well She is on her way tonight to India....And Me Keying in this by being awake to pick her from Airport at 3 in the morning....Well How is Ur game of Snakes and Ladders Going On?
