If I have learnt anything at all in life thus far – it’s to be non-judgemental. To our conditioned minds certain things must also remain in a certain way – if not, we rush to jump to conclusions. I’ve found that the hardest thing to do is to stop forming my own uninformed opinion about a situation. It’s crazy, but it’s so true.
I recently had a debate with my mother on this issue. Mom has a cousin – let’s call him Mr A. Now Mr A in the prime of his youth was diagnosed with a severe heart condition following which he decided not to marry – since his life seemed rather uncertain. However Mr Adoes live on and barring a few illnesses he is fairly healthy now in his 50’s. For the last two-years or so Mr. A – the self proclaimed bachelor has been in a live-in relationship with Mrs J. Now Mrs. J is an attractive lady in her late 40’s and has a pretty teenaged daughter. Her husband has been working in Dubai for over a decade and she has been living alone with her daughter all this while. This being the scenario, we can all be nice and let them lead their lives.
But no! The family has to gossip!
And the grapevine simply keeps growing. No one has the gall to actually go to Mr A and ask him what he is up to! They all tut tut behind his back. Which is also fine with me. But what gets my blood boiling is when they start cursing Mrs. J. People are like “Mr A is a man. It’s ok for him to do such things. But she! Oh Lord she is a married woman with a teenaged daughter. Shame on her! Now who will marry her daughter? Didn’t she think of all this before jumping into bed with him. What a characterless woman!” Ah how easy it is to blame of woman about whom we know nothing! They grumble and curse and spew venom on her like she was the one who poisoned him and is now ruining the reputation of the entire family (whatever that is!!).
My point is what gives us the right to judge anyone so easily? Do we know the whole situation? Do we know why they have got into this relationship? If Mr A could remain a celebate for 50 years of his life – what made him choose this married woman to live with now? There must be a sensible reason. Without knowing the reason – why are we judging them? If Mrs J chose to live with this man – despite being married and having a teenaged daughter – she must have a very very good reason I’m sure. Did anyone think of that? Where is that husband of hers? Did anyone stop to think how much she must have struggled to raise a girl child alone in this very male society of ours? Sure, her husband must have sent money – but surprise surprise – money is really not the answer to all problems. Sometimes you simply need someone to hold your hand and give you support.
Well…I’m not here to defend them or to decide whether are right or wrong. I don’t know them or their situation well enough to come to any conclusion. All I’m saying is – they must have a sensible reason for it. And we really have no right to judge them based on our bias and mental conditioning. But why is that so hard to do?
