1. Beer
A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say hi to them, but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him.
So he sets it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that none will steal it then.
Upon return, he sees another note saying "Me too!"
2. Lets start
A drunk was hauled into court. "Mister," the judge began, "You ve been brought here for drinking."
"Great," the drunk exclaimed." When do we get started?"
3. Confession?
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders over to the confessional box. He opens the door, sits down and says nothing. The bewildered priest waits for a few minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect his thoughts. Growing impatient, the priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking mate, there’s no toilet paper in this one either."
4. Military precision
Some ladies, who were determined to put an end to drinking in their colony, went to the house of a retired Army Officer one evening.
"When did you last have a drink?" they asked
"1945" replied the officer.
"That is very good!" remarked the ladies very happily. "So you are a teetotaler now?"
"I wouldn t call it exactly that," replied the officer, looking at his watch. "You see it is only 2015 now."
5. Say the blessing
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old Monu and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn`t know what to say," Monu replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
Monu bowed his head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
6. Math Channel
The math teacher saw that little Monu wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Monu! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Monu quickly replied, "Zee, Sony, Animal Planet and the Cartoon Network!"
