!@#$ Tutiyaee At Its Best !@#$. Review on Yaadein - Bollywood

The high point of the movie was the five minute intermission break.

Is it just me, or is something tragic really happening to Hindi movies? This movie was made by the so called greatest showman of Indian cinema in the recent years. This showman, very frankly, needs to be horse-whipped in a public place. So do the actors who actually agreed to work in this joke of a movie, which stinks too much to be used as fuel in a bio-gas plant.

OK, so here's how the cheese dik director of this movie produced this bollywood bile. The first thing he needed was a name. Almost every word that existed was taken, and "Shyaanaa Shahensha" wouldn't have been a great name, so he settled for the YAADEIN.

The next thing was money. He needed piles and piles of it. So he goes around with a begging bowl, roping in some big companies. Coke, Pass-Pass (a pan masala type mouthfreshner) and Hero cycles finally relented, but only the condition that they get a coverage as good as an advertisement. Sub-Arse Ghai agreed.

Then, he needed some big names. He calls in Jackie, Hrithik and the Kareena (For some reason I don't find this chic pretty. She reminds me of Randhir Kapoor too much. I mean, I fantasised about kissing her a few times. But as soon as I was about a hair's breadth away from her lips, her face suddenly changes to Randhir Kapoor's with that idiotic grin. But this is besides the point). Ok, so Subhash Ghai ropes in these big names. Now he also need a villian, so he calls in Amrish Puri too. But then, he had promised a few other guys and gals that he'll give them a break and all that crap. So, calls in two more guys and two more gals.

Now, with all that money he takes the crew of some 'phoren' locations, where they shoot lots of songs. Few in UK, few in Malaysia and all. In the middle of all this, he gets calls from Coke, Pass-Pass guys etc, enquiring about their ad in the movie. Ghai remembers. The very next day and they shoot the ads. For coke, they shoot a few sequences where Jackie's wife tells him, "Coke toh aap ki kamzori hai", and Hrithik tells him, "Coke peekey aapka dimaag thanda ho jaataa hai."

Then they shoot a party scene, with everyone dressed in the most formal of formal outfits, with the hero and a gal (she was promised a break by Subhash Ghai) holding coke cans (you'd have expected wine goblets, or those long stemmed glasses or some other crystal ware...but no. Coke it is). Then they push in another song, with Jackie tapping a Coke can to give the starting beats. Jackie also displays a Coke key chain about 5 times in different poses. The Coke guy is happy and smiling. The Pass-Pass guy is pissed, so he calls up Ghai in the middle of the night threatning to withdraw the finance. Ghai wakes up early next morning and shoots a few ads for Pass-Pass. The first ad shows Hrithik and yet another chic (Ghai promised her too) holding a box of Pass-Pass. The chic asks 4 times, "Tumhey Pass-Pass yaad hai?."

In the second ad, Kareena and another chic (you guessed it...Ghai and his promises) hold packs of Pass-Pass and go, "Pass Pass bulaye dilon ko Pass-Pass". Few more ads, where the whole family eats Pass-Pass. Now, the Hero Cycle's agent, who was keeping an eye on all these ads makes a long distance call to his boss, "Boss, woh log key ad toh bana daaley, magar is chashmish ney hamarey liye ghanta bhi nahin banaya". Subhash Ghai is given a big danda by the Hero company, so Ghai once again starts making yet another ad. This time ad shows a cycle race (world championship..nothing less). Lots of gals, ride some bicycles for like 2 minutes, and Kareena wins the race becoming the world champion (look at the simplicity). She get the prize from "HERO CYCLES", displayed boldy on a big banner.

Now everyone is getting pissed as they haven't yet started making the movie. The first two chics and the two dudes raise a racket cos almost 60% of the movie's contents have been shot but they didn't get to do jackshit. So Ghai starts making the movie. Jackie is getting old, so he made the father. The three girls are made his daughters. Two of the girls are married off to the other two bozos in simple ceremonies. Kareena has been left for Hrithik. But wait a minute, everything is going so smooth.

There have to be certain complications, so the second daughter suddenly gets illtreated at her inlaws house and she demands a divorce, causing Jackie to lose all faith in love and love marriages. So, it won't be easy for Hrithik to marry Kareena. In the meantime, Jackie also promises an old Rai sahib that Hrithik will marry his daughter. Hrithik comes and asks Jackie for his daughter;s hand. Jackie refuses, but neither he, nor we are sure why he is refusing. Is it cos he doesn't trust love marriages or is it cos he has already promised someone else about Hrithik. To ease the situation, the director, once again reunites the second daughter and her hubby.

The first daughter has no clue what the heck she is doing in the movie. Amrish puri by now had started foaming from his mouth cos he was taken in as a villian, but he didn't get to do anything. So, a scene is hastily shot in which he calls jackie a "gareeb" and all that crap, and thus becomes the villian. A bright one then suggests to Ghai, "boss, yeh dotcom ka zamana hai. Picchar mein dotcom hona ich mangta hai". So Hrithik who was shown as a dancer and singer and all, is suddenly running a website business . I thought the whole night but I couldn't figure what exactly he was doing with dotcoms. Was he a developer, was he hosting those sites?..anyways...

In all this confusion, the realisation strikes Ghai that the title of the movie has got nothing to do with the contents of the movie. He could have as well called it "Bagpiper". So once, more, a scene is shot where Jackie reads out a sher which says something like, "Log aatey hain toh YAADEIN lekey aatey hain, aur log jaatey hain toh YAADEIN lekey jaatey hain". Or something to that effect. Hence the name YAADEIN. Finally the climax is shot where the recently turned villian Amrish Puri, turns back to his goody-goody self and the lovers are reunited.

...and somewhere in this jumble, a poor sod like me, travels 20 miles, buys a heavy ticket and sits without a groan for the whole 3 hours.