Aug 31, 2006 02:26 AM
2485 Views
(Updated Aug 31, 2006 10:10 AM)
Okay, I have not seen part 1 or part 2, but just know that the X Men are freaks of nature because their genes mutate. Just like Spiderman becomes Spiderman because a spider bites him and his genes or whatever technology the comic books call it, changes.
Anyway, I was skeptical because I really did not like the promos which were shown so many times the last couple of weeks on almost every channel. Halle Berry looked so horrible in this movie, and hey she was never good looking to start with. She looked like some old hag with bad makeup.
Anyway, leaving aside logic and reasoning and putting on my "I am here to watch a super hero film" cap, I started watching it.
The film showed a flashback explaining how two old men - looking almost ga y partners - started some college/mansion/frat house for mutants.
So anyway, the story moves ahead. I was still ready to accept it all in the spirit of superheroes. I mean, I am used to seeing only one or two superheroes in a movie. Spiderman, Superman, Batman - it was simple. They had powers and skills beyond ordinary humans and so they were superheroes. Here, any retard, yes I felt they were all retards with a deformity was a superhero!
The moment I saw a scene where the retards and humans meet in a 'Department of Mutants' building, I just could not hold it back. I knew that I am in for a totally stupid movie.
So anyway, there is no big storyline and plot. If you can tolerate watching a 10 minute storyline stretched for over 2 hours, and then clap on top of it!! Oh man, you deserve to be in the next retard flick X-Men: The Last Retard!
Okay so the story is this - no big suspense here - A retard who has wings and can fly has a father who runs a pharmaceutical company. He invents a medicine which can cure these retards and make them human. i.e. one injection and all their retardness goes away. How? Its a superhero flick, so bear with me.
So as I said - there are two old queens at the start of the movie. One of them decides to rally all other fellow retards and fight back. He wants all to remain retards. And trust me, I felt like a super moron sitting and watching the retarded film. And Halle Berry does not even show a small percentage of cleavage, instead just spins and makes her eyes white and up the weather. Now I know global warming is for real! How? Hey X-Men showed it so it must be real
Well, so you know the story. One old queen wants to rule the retard world and so he attacks the laboratory on San Francisco's Alcatraz Island. And how? I was in splits when the retards and the queen lift up the Golden Gate bridge and put it across the Pier 39 to Alcatraz and the army of retards walks across. I was thinking - the director is a retard and a copycat - This scene was 'inspired' by the Ramayan where they build a bridge to Lanka!!
Oh I forgot .. there is one hot biyatch.. some Jennie or Jeanie or some such name. She was in some James Bond film for sure.. Anyway, this b*tch can use her retard mind and control things like lifting cars, etc. Anyway, she is on all time PMS in this film. She just flares up for no reason. Why? Right at the beginning there is another retard who can shoot lasers from his eyes. PMS kills him by just behaving like a typical woman on PMS And you know what?? They dont even show her cleavage!!
I remember the episode where Comic the Insult Dog interviews fans lining up outside Star Wars Episode Sith. What he said was to the effect that I know why die hard fans of films like Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of The Rings and such movies are never going to get inside a woman!
Anyway, there is no suspense.. Its a battle between retards and some good retards (the so called X-Men) and the humans united. They all shoot this medicine via dart type injections and all the retards suddenly fall down and become human. If I was in charge I would have shown them getting blown up.. hey why not? Since there are non stop special effects and the morons (yes including me) were watching the film, then why not show some more effects??
This is the longest review I have written in a long time, because I really was pissed with this film. It was a shitty premise and non-believable even by superhero standards.
What happens in the end.. Nothing really. The old queen retard who wears a funny helmet and calls himself Magneto.. he is shot with this medicine and loses his power. The chief fagg*t retard wolfman goes and kills PMS. And as the credits roll, the old queen is sitting in a park playing chess with himself.. and he tries to use his powers and hey.. he can move the chess pieces..!! The remaining retards in the cinema hall give out a collective gasp!
So if you like watching a whole lot of retards - queens, retards, non-cleavage showing all jumping up and down and really want to pay respects to the poor special effects sods.. then go see this.. Also, this film is more like the epic Ramayan where the monekys unite with humans and fight the rakhshasaas.
