Jul 23, 2006 05:08 PM
2630 Views
(Updated Jul 25, 2006 01:46 AM)
This started off as a guide to good writing, but turned out to be so boring I almost put myself to sleep. To hell with being politically correct. Here’s my survival guide for writers on MouthShut. Enjoy!
- Dear Magicalsummer, I have one small problem. My teachers always give my essays 5 stars, and my mother tells me I am better than Salman Rushdie. But I cannot understand why nobody in MS reads my reviews at all.
Dear Neglected Writer, how much do you read? Do you make your presence felt in other people’s spaces? If you want to just write, get your own blog. This is a community, and to get, you have to give. This means you not only read other’s work, you also rate it and leave a comment. Depending on the kind of attention you want you can leave a negative rating and a nasty comment, or you can be very sweet. The first way is the quickest to recognition. If you decide to take this route, I hope you have thick skin, or else darling, you are dead!
- Dear MS, My writing is purposeful. It has clear examples to support points made. My thoughts are well organized. My language is far superior to what you usually find here, yet nobody reads me. Why?
Dear Sounds Like a Crashing Bore, I’m sorry to be the one to break this news to you, but sometimes correct writing is just not enough. You have to be interesting- are you? Does your review have an interesting title? Can you laugh at yourself? Do you have whacky stories to tell? Do you write to express an opinion or to show off your knowledge and language skills? Can you in all earnestness propound ridiculous theories that will have half the site laughing not just along with, but also at you? Can you write soft porn? Learn to do at least 2 of these, and you will never be at a loss for readers.
- Magic, I work hard all week and unwind over the weekend by writing reviews, articles, call them what you will. My writing is beautiful, passionate, funny and relevant to a large proportion of the readers, yet I don’t get more than 47 hits. Where am I going wrong?
Dear Weekend Writer, Tch, tch, don’t you know most readers are on MS Monday to Friday, and are partying when you put your literary efforts up on show? Get a life. Post your writing when there is work to be done, and party over the weekends. Life is short. Enjoy!
- Dear MS, My review doesn’t stay in the ’latest 100’ longer than 3 minutes. Help!
Dear Clueless, If you are foolish enough to put your reviews up during a contest circus, you don’t deserve to have your review in the latest 100 for longer than 3 minutes! That said, here’s what you can do to grab eyeballs. Forget the tips and advice articles. Go straight for the airlines, or bikes and phone reviews. Write a complimentary review and give it a catchy and controversial sounding title. This will guarantee you a place in the Hot Review section till your review is colder than last year’s Christmas pudding, gets only one hit in 3 days, and you are actually quite embarrassed to have it up on display.
- Mags, I believe in calling a spade a spade. Recently I had written an article giving constructive feedback about MS. There was nothing offensive in it, I swear. Imagine my shock when I found it deleted. What’s going on here?
Dear Shocked. Trust someone to give you a spade and have you rush off to dig yourself a grave! Rule 1 when writing online – never pis* off the site owners- genuflect instead. If you don’t know how, check out the works of those reviewers with permanent reservations in some part or the other of the community centre, or those who have celebrity status in-spite of not having contributed to MS in donkeys years; you will quickly learn. Good luck.
