Writing a famous review. Review on Writing Reviews on MouthShut

First of all, I sincerely apologise for any ruffled feelings or sentiments arising out of this review. Any resemblances to any reviews written already or as yet unwritten is purely co-incidental. All examples given are purely out of the author's (namely moi) imagination.

I've not been a member of the MS community for long. But having viewed a sufficiently large sample of the reviews, I have discovered a pattern which I think will be of help to other budding writers in making their own reviews famous. Sir Sri, Spooks, Cheeky, Niraj and all those tons of authors who are already quite popular, dont worry...you dont need to follow the steps in this advice...

Notice, I use the word famous, not popular. I have a reason for that. Its fame that is important. Popularity comes automatically once you have fame. If you belong to the 90% of the population who doesnt yet know what to write about and how to make your reviews get more hits, then this is for you. One word of warning! I have not yet completely explored/tested my own theories and those who do so will be doing so on their own risk. The author does not take any responsibility for consequences arising out of following the tips given here.

So how does one make one's review famous?

Lets start with the subject first. Every review/advice however boring or interesting has to have a subject. So you first have to identify a subject to write about.

There are two kinds of subjects you can choose.....One is the mainstream subjects, which already exist on MS and are listed, and scores of people have written about them already. Ahh!!....did I see you yawn, my friend? Do you say ''well, tons of people have written about them already. So why do it this time?...its boring, no one will read it..''?? Well, my friend, you are sadly mistaken. Tons of people have written about it already. And all those tons of people will surely read this just to find out what you think about it. Implication>>more hits.

You could, of course decide to write about your neighbourhood grocer, someone who hasnt been written about yet, but unless you make him God, who creates something out of nothing, and you have terrific literary skills to succeed in doing so, what you have is a dud.

You could ofcourse, choose one more option. Take up a subject as common as the salt on your table. Something that everyone has used, or experienced and then go against the grain. If its something that everyone likes, then trash it like it was lower than the worms in a dead rat. Or go the other way around>> If its something that everyone hates, praise it as if it were manna from heaven. You would have better success with the first method. But I'll get around to that for the second lesson.

So first lesson is ''CHOOSE A POPULAR SUBJECT''

Lesson 2: Go against the grain

So you've chosen a subject that interests a lot of people. Now how do you approach it?

Lets say you've chosen a subject like say 'VIP Underwear'. Did I hear you say ''Underwear? Hey thats hittin below the belt''...baby, if you want attention then thats the place which will get you the most of it...;-). Thats beside the point anyway. The point is what you do with the subject once you've got it.

There are two approaches to the subject. One way is to go with the general sentiment of the people regarding your subject. Yes, you will definitely get some support and in general your review will get a HR. But you dont want just that. You want your review to be talked about. So what you go in for is SHOCK VALUE

So what is shock value. Well, in simple terms, shock value is what you get when you take a generally accepted belief or attitude and turn it on its head. People will go 'WHAT??' or 'WHO?' or 'WHY THE H!! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS???'. Now that will make them sit up and take notice and shake off their inertia and respond with righteous indignation and contempt. And then there are bound to be other rebels like you who need their 15 seconds of fame too. They will envy you and pat you on your back for having accomplished something as great as shocking the readers.

The more holy your subject, the greater the shock value when you go against the grain. Say for example that you've grown up on a diet of Horlicks and that a million people like it. If you were to say that Horlicks sux and it can cause severe migraines in older people, then you will get more attention than if you were to say that horlicks is good for you.

Lesson 3: Evidence/Proof

The third important ingredient of a popular review with shock value is the evidence you give to corroborate it. It does help if your review is truthful and exposes a little known fact which is quite serious such as XXX brand of toothpaste contains carcinogens which result in tooth cancer. But if you dont have such facts , dont bother looking for them. Anecdotal evidence, in most cases will suffice. You could say that certain Mrs Alphonso from Andheri (Bombay) contracted Oral cancer from using that particular toothpaste. Dont bother with giving medical justifications for this. All you need to do is point out a third party source that sounds credible enough. In most cases, ''I READ IT IN THE PAPERS'' is more than enough. It need not even be the case that such an article was ever published in any of the papers. Then you can simple gloss over the issue and get to the bad effects of mouth cancer and how it kills millions of people all over the planet.

The stronger your vocabulary the better the effect.

Lesson 4: Dont worry about your product. They wont attack you or sue you for libel

Suing for libel isnt a very common practise in India. American writers beware. This may not be such a good idea there. Besides they wouldnt even know who you are to start with. South Indian readers will remember the case of the Dancer Prabhu Deva. He is reported to have challenged Michael Jackson to a dance-contest. Now its a different matter that if someone asked Mike about Prabhu Deva's challenge he'd ask in genuine bewilderment ''what is prabhu deva? is it a computer or something''?? Prabhu Deva had his minutes of fame and Michael Jackson couldnt care less.

Follow these lessons and your review will surely have the maximum number of hits for the season.

Cheers!!

Claw

P.S: This review is purely for entertainment and education. The author strongly urges the readers not to follow these ideas in this community. You could however choose to use these ideas elsewhere, but only at your own risk.