Did not match upto my expectations!. Review on Veer-Zara

Hi,

I am Shahrukh Khan the king of mediocrity, a second rater. I am the king of bollywood (Didn't they make a film by the name....I didn't see it!..Its too close to reality..). Anyway I am gonna be telling you guys about the latest offering from Yash Uncle, as I fondly call him.

I never fail to accept worthless material that is discarded by his moronic brain! I never question his un-versatility neither do I crib when he tells me to wear faded levi's in the 1982 setting of the film. Why? Because I am a bigger moron with lesser creativity and guts to try out anything even remotely new or novel! Guess what??...i'll share a secret! When people tell me Shahrukh does only the same kind of films and he looks same in all his movies I give out smartass replies like ' I am the king, there is nothing I can change about me....people come to see my movies, get entertained, get out...why change when the package is perfectly balanced'.....WOW!!

How smart and clever, people get impressed and say..'Hey this guy really knows how to shut his critics'. This is a defence mechanism that has worked wonders for me! I can get away with making responsible and sane statements like Filmfare awards are great and the acadamy sucks....crossover cinema is shitty! Relax guys dont be so ingrained....i know I am the coolest, I know I am the best, I know I will rule bollywood for the next 25 years...i guess I would probablely be the only actor who would get to romance seductive stunners 35 years younger to me at my peak, 55!

Anyway getting back to the point, I star in the latest offering that Darling Yash uncle trashed out..Goddddddd what an honor for you guys! Its called Veer-Zara! Doesn't the name itself reveal originality? So what if people have used names like HEER RANJHA or LAILA MAJNU earlier! Preity Zinta and Rani Mukherji are the two damsels who raiate the screen along with moi! Kiron Kher, Divyaa dutta, Bomen Irani and a few others in the top-of-the-line list!

Yash Uncle has a very sharp business sense.....as a publicity gimmick he's thrown in discarded tunes of the legendary Madan Mohan, a name that sells on face value. I am sure he has made a cool profit with the music rights because people have successfully been conned in going and emptying their pockets over the retrograded sorry album where Lata Mangeshkar sounds like a dying nightingale....the media dare say this to her and that's the end of them!!!!

The story is marvolous....Preity while coming from Pakistan to drop her ala's(i hate that word) asthiyan in India meets me,i help her out( I am an air-force pilot, can u believe it!!), I fall in love with her, take her home to my rediculously jovial masi masi ( Hema Malini and Amitabh Bachchan in special appearences), only unfortunately to find out that she is engaged to a political big-wig(Manoj Bachpai), I send her back to Pakistan only to visit her when she calls me from there informing me that she is deeply in love with me, I make hugely unsuccessful plans of kidnapping her but fail miserably, I am cornered by her husband and choose to spend 22 years in jail for a women who doesn't have guts to confront her family and return to me by remaining annonymous and making the world think I was dead ( since the bus by which I was to travel back falls into the valley killing one and all....hahaha what a fantastic co-incidence!)....

Anyway 22 years later Rani, lawyer comes to my cell telling me that she will fight my case, I tell her my story and she cries at the emotinal appeal, like all those fat lipsticked aunties in the theatre busy wiping their noses into the hankies...she finds Zara at my home which has been turned into a school for girls by her and her maid shabbo, Zara comes to the court as witness and insted we end up singing the only hummable number TERE LIYE. We win the case and go back to my village to live a life of love love and only love...may be a little peck here and there as we are too old to make babies!!

Gosh aren't you moved by the genius of the script...its so novel and touching, so significant in today's times of social havoc! Isn't it laudable that Yash chopra shows pretty young things prancing around in the fields of sarson in beautifully designed sequins with such energy and vim, with so much conviction of acceptablity?? I am so happy for him that he has successfully managed to make a career out of escapist movies without a touch or even brush of reality!...do you still, after reading this think the story is magnifique?? Ofcourse you do....the film has fetched green refunds!!

On the up side though I must admit, fans, that the dialogue was very good and so was the poetry of the convict at the end! It was also in a way emotional in the last half hour when the long lost lovers reunite...(weeps)! Yes also a special mention of the dazzelling Preity who looked out-of -this world and the dusky Rani who gave a sinciere performance....ofcourse no where close to mine! Yeh may be Divyaa Dutta too..its time I guess , to start giving strugglers like her a fair deal!

Thank you for all the support and unconditional (has to be considering the fact that with the quality of work I do, I better not keep conditions) love that you commons have bestowed upon me!

Love and hugs

The king of bollywood!