While there are plenty of songs out there I hate, there are just some that drive me absolutely crazy. Why? I can't escape them. Some just pop up on the radio constantly and make me nothing but angry. Here are a few of them:
Money by Pink Floyd - I hate Pink Floyd in general, but this slow, crawling blues and jazz-based thing is, actually, worse than the other Pink Floyd songs out there. This tune defines the term'corporate hippy' like no other one does, and it's a crawling piece of filth in a minor key that just gets under my skin. Perhaps what makes it so bad is that the song has popped up constantly on classic radio stations here on the good ol' U.S. for almost 25 years now. Yick!
Patience by Guns n' Roses - A true stinker that's a bit of a ballad. It's notable for a slow, dragging whistle and some scratchy, screeching vocals. A friend's father hated the tune as kids would show up in his favorite bar and play'that damn whistle song' on the juke box.
Shiny, Happy People by R.E.M. - The members of R.E.M., evidently, woke up one day and decided they had spent years recording great songs, and it was high time to write an irritating clinker. This shiny piece of upbeat pop is bad enough on its own, but shrill vocals from Kate Pierson of the B-52's just hammer the obnoxious song right into your skull.
Theme from the Mary Tyler Moore Show - A fluffy, nothing of a song dominated by'hip' slang and orchestrated music that's a big hit down at the local nursery school. Perhaps I hate this one so much because it kicks off the Mary Tyler Moore Show, which I hate more than just about anything on television.
Horse With No Name by America - America is one of those melodic, 'peace & love' bands that should have died with the 1960s. This song seems to be about riding on a horse through the desert with no purpose at all. The song wanders along aimlessly and is backed with some truly powder-puff music.
Silly Love Songs by Paul McCartney - What the hell happened to McCartney. I mean, what happened to the man. He was one of the most influential and gifted musicians of all time while with the Beatles, and then he seemed to quit trying after the band broke up and he started up a solo career. In Silly Love Songs, McCartney proves that, indeed, the world has had enough silly loves songs, and one more wasn't needed. This tune is so sweet and syrupy it might rot the teeth right out of your head.
Puff the Magic Dragon by Peter, Paul and Mary - If there's one thing I hate more than a dope-smoking hippy, it's a dope-smoking hippy who insists on inflicting folk music on me. Peter, Paul and Mary were obviously smashed out of their heads when they thought they were fooling anyone with this drug song disguised as a kind of nursery rhyme. They weren't fooling anyone, but they sure as hell recorded an aggravating piece of trash.
Monday, Monday by The Mamas and the Papas - And, speaking of dope-smoking hippies, the Mamas and the Papas represent that class of low-lifes very well. This is one of those'mellow' and'groovy' songs that I wish the band would have been too stoned to record.
After Midnight by Eric Clapton - Truth be told, I never much cared for the white-boy blues style of Eric Clapton, and I really hate it on this dog of a song that refuses to die. You've got some very weak guitar-work on this track, and feminine backing vocals that are hard to describe(sounds, for all the world, like a bunch of white women who are mocking black folks).
I Write the Songs by Barry Manilow - Good grief! Manilow started off writing jingles for Coca-Cola, and he should have stuck with that. Of all the bad light rock songs out there, this one is just about the world. Barry Manilow, in this one, claims that he writes the songs that make the whole world sing, but I'd argue that he wrote a lot of stuff that made people just hate his guts.
No Mr. Nice Guy by Alice Cooper - While Cooper managed to put together some fairly good heavy metal songs, this one was a piece of 60s pop that just didn't live up to Cooper's'bad boy' image. By the time the'no more mister clee-hee-heen' lyrics in the chorus appear, I'm already listening to something else.
Oops . I Did it Again by Britney Spears - Perhaps the worst of a series of bad songs in Britney's mind-numbing catalog. This is yet another pice of silly dance-pop for 12-year-old girls.
The One that You Love by Air Supply. If you're a man and you find out the woman you're dating loves Air Supply, run the other way and don't look back. Of all the silly songs this band ever put on tape, this is the worst and most unrealistic. Why? One listen to this would have you believe that men are too busy gushing out their emotions to concentrate on the important things in life, such as beer and football.
Tainted Love by Soft Cell - Here's electronic love from the 1980s gone completely wrong. This monotonal monstrosity drags along without any emotion at all for a few minutes and then, thankfully, ends.
Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees - Want a reason to hate disco? Then give this song a listen. The repeating drum loop and vocals by a pack of alleged men who sound like they haven't hit puberty yet just ruins this song for me.'Nuff said about that one.
We Built this City by Starship - The former Jefferson Starship, which was once Jefferson Airplane, really hit bottom by the time this stinker was recorded. This song is just silly and celebrates rock n' roll in the most ridiculous way possible - by giving that music credit for all sorts of grand things. Fortunately, Starship was on its last legs on this album and didn't torture us with too much more after this.
Every Rose has its Thorn by Poison - This is nothing but a ballad filled with almost every cliche known to man. Okay, so'every rose has its thorn, ''every cowboy sings a sad, sad song' and all that, but so what? Writing decent lyrics means more than just stringing a bunch of time-worn phrases together. Or, so I thought, anyway.
18.'Right Now' by Van Halen - Van Halen was, once upon a time, a fine band. After David Lee Roth left, the band just got worse with every album. This tune isn't much more than a bunch of rave-up guitar chords and some keyboards with the phrase'right now' being hollered every now and again. It's just terrible.
19.'Kokomo' by the Beach Boys - Without Brian Wilson, the Beach Boys were just awful. This disaster from the late 1980s is completely worthless, and sounds like elevator music. My brother and I had our own lyrics that made this one almost tolerable -'In the Florida Keys / There's a place called Kokomo / Where I killed a man / And buried him in the sand / Down in Kokomo.' That's almost funny, but not amusing enough to keep this song on so the alternate lyrics can be sung along with it.
20.'I Feel Good' by James Brown - James Brown is one of the most important and significant artists of all time. His contributions to funk and soul are too great to ever be estimated. So, why is it that this awful song is on the radio all the time? While'I Feel Good' it a tolerable piece of happy noise, it's not nearly as hard-driving or brilliant as some of Brown's other tracks, such as'Sex Machine' or'Night Train.' Disc jockeys who choose this tune over Brown's better songs just don't know a thing about music.
