I received an Email from my cousin in Sweden sometime back, it was titled ''Bollywood formulas', so that gave me an Idea to write one on this. I couldn't stop laughing reading the equations made here, especially the one with Salman Khan and Sooraj Barjataya.
>> Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.
>> 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movie.
>> Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own production company = Kajol
>> Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials. (Ekta Kapoor anyone ?)
>> Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.
>> Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan - Talent. (No man don't say that about Abhishek)
>> Any actor + Any actress + repeated dialogues+ old jokes + many movies = David Dhawan
>> 1 smile + 32 teeth+ numerous flops = Govinda
>> 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan
>> 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay Dutt
>> 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol
>> One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya Film.
Over the past two weeks I've been emailing my friends who sent me more stuff and I've collected them here.... below
CHARACTERS
Poor boy rich girl or vice versa
love triangles a must (even if it has nothing to do with the plot)
the family servant is preferably Ramu Kaka
Hero usually close to mother, father dead or missing
If a muslim is fighting, he will stop on the call of the Azaan
Every horse is badal
Every dog is Moti
One comedian a must- required or not
Someone has to lose their memory....amnesia..
When they shoot a film in London/America Europe, a gora/gori NEVER speak in foreign accent but Desi !
Irrespective of where the Hero's injured he ALWAYS has his head in a bandage..... maybe he fell of a cliff or a train but this body parts stay intact.... !
TALENT & PERSONALITY
All Characters (Hero/ Heroine and others) are born singers and dancers......... need I elaborate this?
They change continents in a flash and their wardrobe changes by the blink of your eye.
Hero can FIX a car always. Never needs a mechanic.
Even if the hero's never used a gun, his aim is perfect.
Hero can afford new clothes even if he lives in some basti and is jobless........ unlike RGV and Mani Ratnam movies.
The hero is most popular guy in the college no matter how rich or poor or late in the semester he joins.
ACTION
The hero's bullets never finish, do they check the calibre?
He can dodge through bullets without a single shot......... train the army perhaps with your skills......
Heroine attempts to fight but ALWAYS bangs her head and faints.......... On/ Off button on the forehead?
There is a piles of boxes, or fruit carts waiting for the hero and villain to topple over as they fight each other!!!!
The hero never need a key to start an automobile...or ignition.....? Does James Bond have this technology?
The hero always starts off a fight by dealing with 10 goons single handedly. But towards the end of the movie he cant even handle midgets until his mother or his girlfriend is hurt.
Keep an eye on the action scenes when a car explodes. It always flies up into the sky like there is a rocket under the car. I am absolutely sure Bollywood has only one action choreographer who does all the car exploding scenes.
The bad guys die the moment they're shot. The hero NEVER dies no matter how long ago, even if it has to be a week after, he had been shot...unless the good guy doesnt have a date in which case he takes half an hour to die (20 minutes to run and kill all the bad guys and 10 minutes to get to his ''mamta ki chaaon'' or ''Dost ke haathon mein''
The hero jumps from the 10th floor and lands on his feet without breaking his legs........ Incredible Hulk?
DECENT
A bar dancer ALWAYS has lost her parents and is doing it to support her younger brother or sister...while the hero goes to that bar coz he lost a business deal or his girlfriend dumps him and its love at first sight in the bar...or at least love after the girl's lecture.
Kissing not permitted
Dancing in rain and item nos. make up for the missing sex in the movie
MUSIC
'Item number' a must....... required or not.
Switzerland..............suddenly you're in the Swiss Alps with 40 dancers behind you. (pooof Alladin !)
Now this is the most important :dancing around trees.
The Songs have no meaningful lyrics, and they might not have anything to do with the movie or the plot as well.
The villain always has a dance in the end with the kidnapped heroine.
They can freely enter into discos and dance on the stage.
Lyrics are eveready and 3-4 people or a whole family can join in and sing along.
Poor people in bastis.. all ready for dance anytime of day and costumes ready or villagers
VILLAN
When the Heroine disguises herself as a dancer and dances in front of the villan, she will sing songs with the words ''I will destroy you'', and he doesn't understand the negative lyrics?
The villan will kidnap the heroine for a final dance and additionally the hero's mother and sister will be nailed/ tied to a wall as backup.
Every rape scenes always start by ripping of the sleeve........ sleeve fetish?
The villan struggles at the heroines neck till the hero reaches from one corner of the city.... dude you had the whole girl and all you wanted was the neck?
TRANSPORT
A horse or bike is available for get away or chasing scenes............... or Main hoon na style cycle rickshaw.... and they say SRK is not innovative...?
EFFECTS
There's always wind blowing...even in a closed room!
As the heroine hears sum bad newz.....and God is waiting for her to read the letter so he may start the thunder & lightning.
Generally when heroine is praying... there would be a visible sign from God... mostly the flower falling in her hands/lap or if its the question of her suhaag... the sindoor flying right in her MAANG...
Part two to follow soon... (Hmmmmm I feel like Juggerz.. lol()
Anyone got more?
And a message for all those Super Educated ppl on MS criticizing those who's grammar is not perfect, after the sick reviews; comments have been circulating around...
We're not getting a Nobel Prize.
If your English is so perfect I don't see a Nobel prize for Literature on your shelf.
English is not OUR language so being perfect at it is not so important, we require it to communicate, for work, study... end of story...
There are millions of Indians today who can't even speak Hindi, people living in India or abroad..................... but they all speak English....... is that something to be proud of? Atleast the ppl who's grammar is not upto the mark know their own language and that is what counts...... atleast you speak the language of your ancestors and have given them respect by carrying it on.
