Apr 17, 2007 08:30 PM
3790 Views
Hello all we welcome you to Bheja Fry News, the 24 hours news channel that belongs to Bheja Fry Group. As you all know we have been rated the No 1 news channel for the intellectually challenged people. Our newspaper Bheja Fry Times, has again been rated as No 1 in the category of “too lazy to think” people. Bheja Fry always has believed that attributes like intelligence, quality, standards are part of an elitist conspiracy to deprive the masses of their due. We believe in speaking to the masses, and for us the masses are not the aam aadmi or the poor, downtrodden folks of India, but people who are loaded with cash and very little brains.
Breaking the news, Bheja Fry, is proud to announce that we will be bringing live coverage of the wedding of Aby Bachi and Aishu Rooy. Aby Bachi is the eldest son of Amitabh Bachan’s brother’s wife’s sister’s brother-in-law’s uncle’s nephew’s brother’s sister. Well Aishu Rooy happens to be Suniel Shetty’s wife’s brother’s wife’s sister’s husband’s cousin’s brother’s only daughter. So we will be holding tarot card readings and astrology reading sessions predicting the couple’s future. We have also scheduled a talk show on “Celebrity Weddings” to be presided over by such intellectual giants like Pooja Bedi, Mahesh Bhatt, Riya Sen, Upen Patel to name a few.
We at Bheja Fry are also proud to announce that we were the first ones to discover the love story of Abyshu. Apparently they had starred in a movie called “Tumne Kabhi Kisise Pyaar Kiya”. But the audience response was “Nahin”. Then in order to be different they starred in a period epic directed by Jay Pee Dotty called “ Meri Jaan Tujhe Mera Umar Lag Jaaye”, but the audience did not want to shorten their “Umar”. So they seem to have wisely decided to get married, and that ensured that their latest movie “Daaru” based on lives of liquor baron Bheja Fry Daruwalla, is a success.
Next our top story, the controversy over actress Sillypa Senti, being pecked on the cheeks by Hollywood iconRicardo Geire, at a show. Sillypa insists it is a peck on the cheek, and nothing to be sorry about. But the Hindu Viraat Dharma Rakshana Samiti, the Society for Protection of Bharatiya Sanskriti have decided to stage protests against it. We at Bheja Fry are bringing you live coverage now.
Some men brandishing sticks are burning effigies, and throwing stones.
*Reporter( to one of the men): Aap kya yeh sab Dharam ki raksha ke liye kar rahe hain.
Protestor 1: Arre Dharm ki raksha, kya hain, humko nahi maloom. Saale bola tha ki paise milenga, aur TV pe apna photo chapega. Newspaper mein bhi chapega.
Reporter( to another one): Aap ko Sillypa ki khilaaf kya shikayat hai
Protestor 2: Arre hum Sillypa, Gillypa ko nahin Jaanti, bolo tah muft mein mutton biryani khilaenge, vaise to kuch kaam nahin.
Reporter(to the leader): To kya aap inki neta hai.
Leader: Neta, arre mujhe kya maloom, mujhe bola ta tu leader hai, tere ko paisa deta hai, jaao aur Sillypa ke khilaaf dharna karo. **Tu 15 minute ki leyi TV mein dikhega. Tu bahut famuz ho jayega.
Reporter: As you can see, this is a burning issue, threatening the nation like never before.
As one more protestor goes about breaking cars, the cameraman, “Eh Bhai, zara rok, mujhe angle sahi se lene do”.
*Protestor: Kya yeh tik hai
Cameraman: Haan tik hai
Back to studio: As you can see, Bheja Fry TV, has been giving you live and exclusive coverage of this incident. We are also holding a talk show called “Is Sillypa Senti’s kiss an affront to Indian culture?”. If you want to send your views SMS to 420 .
And now for some fun news. Prominent socialite Malani Lal, is throwing a party with a new theme called “Poverty”. In order to counter the criticism that such parties are far removed from real India, she wants to create a splash with this event. The diet would be the most exotic stuff like mango kernels from Bolangir, rat meat from Bihar, pesticide cola from Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh and Karnataka and so on. Members of the party including employees of Bheja Fry Group, would be coming in torn clothes, dhotis, dirty unwashed shirts, all for getting that slummed out look. Two sets have been put up, one to resemble a drought hit village, and another to resemble an urban slum. It is a party never done before, and Bheja Fry is proud to bring you exclusive updates on it.
And now coming to sports news. BCCI blames the cricketers who blame the fans who blame the media who blame the experts who blame the Gods. Its been almost a year since India and Pakistan have been knocked out of the world cup, but we at Bheja Fry, are proud that we have still kept alive the spirit of inquiry into discussing why it happened. As you know Bheja Fry TV, was responsible for the fan’s protests against the players. We hosted the program “Match Ka Ullu” where we tried to found out the present Ullu, basing on the views of the past Ullus. We ran the program “Mad at India’s loss, Express yourself” and we awarded prizes to the guy who attacked Tendulkar’s house.
And here we take a break, this news broadcast was sponsored by Pepsi, Coke, Airtel, Hutch, Nokia, Lakhan, Sikhani, Sardu Balm. But be prepared to get your Bheja fried after the break, that is if your bheja is able to handle the 40 odd advertisements.
