That would leave me with enough for a cup of coffee and a doughnut. Am writing this one based on a request by two members of this site. They picked this topic because they wanted to see me squirm in pain. Sadistic creatures.
Bottom of my heart, I don't think anyone needs advice on giving titles because a title can be based on a wide range of personal choices and parameters. One man's food is another man's poison after all. Still, lets explore some scenarios and draw our own list of do's and dont's.
First of all, if you observe the title of my reviews, you'll understand that I'm an expert on this sort of thing. See how clearly the title of this review conveys the essence of the text that follows it? That's what I call a stroke of intellectual intelligence... yeah...
Now... to give you a clear picture of how to title topics... I'm gonna illustrate by using examples... giving possible titles that work... and ones that don't work...
PARENTAL WARNING: DONT READ BEYOND THIS POINT IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE OR UNDER 18. THE EXAMPLES USED ARE JUST ILLUSTRATIONS. THE PART IN ITALICS
Sample Topic 1: Rupa Underwear
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Innovative Title 1: It keeps what's inside, inside
Innovative Title 2: It restricts but it doesn't constrict
Cliche Title: Toh Rupa kya pehnegi?
Don't use: Easy to slip on, Easier to slip off (wink wink)
Too much innuendo is bad. Take off the wink wink in brackets and the title becomes usable.
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Sample Topic 2: Tips on Family Planning
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Innovative Title 1: The love triangle that even the govt. loves
Innovative Title 2: A pill in time saves nine (kids)
Cliche Title: We two ours two... (or is it one now?)
AVOID THIS AT ALL COSTS: Rubber... before you rub her...
It's cheap. You have to maintain dignity and decorum at all times. Your titles should be respectful as its the best way to introduce your review to the general public. One more thing... respect women (and readers in general)... always!
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Sample Topic 3: Spiderman 3
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Innovative Title 1: Bipolar Arachnid in a tale insipid
Innovative Title 2: Has the spider spun his last web?
Cliche Title: I saw Spiderman 3 (and 2 and 1 and 0 too)
Lend a touch of creativity to your titles. Not only is it cool but it also provides much needed relief for the grey matter of readers. Readers aren't idiots. A little spice is what everyone looks for in a piece. Give it to them. BE INNOVATIVE
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Sample Topic 4: Advice on applying nail polish
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Just avoid this topic. Don't write on it. Every issue of Femina has it anyway.
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Sample Topic 5: The Indian Cricket Team
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Innovative Title 1: Eleven idiots playing, one billion idiots praying
Innovative Title 2: HOO HAH INDIA... AAYA INDIA (world cup haarke)
Popular Cliche Title: #@&^@#^%&@#^&@^#*&^@
Don't use this one: I wanna take a rusty fork and stick it up the Indian Cricket Team's @^&@&@*@
So what do you glean from this example? I don't know. I didn't glean anything. There must be something to glean. If you do glean, share it with me. Don't get 'glean' bowled thinking about it.
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Sample Topic 6: Mouthshut.com
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Innovative Title 1: Reviews for the people, by the people
Innovative Title 2: Caveat Emptor - Look before you leap
Cliche Title: Consumer is king
Technically... if you consumed the wrong thing and paid a bomb for it... you're no king... you're a joker. But then... everyone's human. I just bought a ball point pen for 100 bucks and the tip broke already :( I feel like an idiot... not a king.
Worst Title Usable: I LOVE MOUTHSHUT.COM
Dont make your title sound like you are trying to suck up to people. People can see right through it.
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Sample Topic 7: War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
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Innovative Title 1: A true masterpiece by a legend
Cliche Title: War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
Do Not Use: Lion Star Writer Battle Vodka Producing Nation
Dont make your title so weird and cryptic that only you can understand it. Try to make it cool without trying too hard to make it cool.
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Finally
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It's your review, your brain, your keyboard, your mouthshut.com... just give a title and quit worrying about the title you gave.
Back to Baileys.
~Finis~
PS: If parts of the review offended anyone... you shouldn't have read beyond that disclaimer. Curiosity killed the cat :)
