The Tsunami and Me. Review on The Tsunami Tragedy of December, 04, Express Your Feelings

Every time something serious happens, I make it a point to see the funnier side of it. So I took this opportunity to go around collecting amazingly funny reasons for the tsunami to have occurred. Sometimes widely publicized conspiracy theories help. So what follows are a few popular ones. I fervently do not hope that my sense of humour does not offend you.

Caveat: None of this work is my own. All this has been paraphrased from some extensive browsing results.

1. Bush HAARPed the earth!

2003 Iran Quake: December 26 01:56:52 UTC

Bam, Iran, only 6.6 on the Richter scale, but quake is centered directly under the city- 26, 000 dead.

2004 Asia Quake: December 26 00:58:55 UTC

Centered off the Indonesian island of Sumatra, the massive quake, which measured 9.0 on the Richter scale, unleashed tidal waves across the Indian Ocean.

HOW CAN IT BE THAT 2 EARTHQUAKES OCCURRED EXACTLY 1 YEAR APART AND THAT TOO ON CHRISMAS DAY? Well, what caused it?

Apparently there is something called the HAARP(High-frequency Active Aural Research Program)which was developed during the Star Wars years.

HAARP is:?A super-powerful radiowave-beaming technology that lifts areas of the ionosphere(upper layer of the atmosphere) by focusing a beam and heating those areas. Electromagnetic waves then bounce back and penetrate everything? living and dead.? So HAARP waves when started below the ocean?s surface could produce?rhythmical vibrations to pass through the Earth? and??convey these mechanical effects to the greatest terrestrial distances and produce all kinds of unique effects.?

But then surely there has to be a reason for this to happen? Even if you accept that America had caused it, but even those insane people must need a reason? Well how much effort does it take to cook up a reason?

*Last year Americans were greeted with Bush?s?heartwarming? generosity. He offered to lend aid to a member of the?axis of evil? when tragedy struck. Republicans across America had ammo for their Christmas dinner conversations:

'How can you say Bush is not compassionate? He?s helping the axis of evil, now that?s Christian.'

This year the motive is to focus the news on the tragedy, away from the Ukraine re-vote and election reversal. It is undeniable that certain people in power do not want Americans to connect the dots between Ukraine exit polls, a re-vote and victory for the opposition.*

Voila! there is the intent of the earthquake that killed 200 thousand people. So that Americans do not talk about the elections during lunchtime on Christmas day! I am just reminded of the Bengali saying.?There is a pleasure in being a madman? it is the madman?s alone?. So true!(I think you would feel the same too if you do not understadn my humour)

1. Washington started it!

Paraphrasing one learned professor from an unnamed American University,

?I was piqued by the presence of two armed ships in the vicinity of the earthquake at that time. Curiously enough even during the festive season the ships were packed with 1000 Marines. While India had the alacrity to strip down one of its military ships and send it as a mobile hospital with 50 beds, America which had in its rescue crew 2 1000 bed mobile sea hospitals The Comfort and The Mercy, but chose to send 2 ships packed with armed blockheads over to the area for Humanitarian Rescue Operations.?

Also,

?The next bit was superbly orchestrated, because it took place at sea, far away from the prying eyes of dock spies or imaginary KGB agents. Out of Hong Kong rushed team one, comprised of the nuclear-powered USS Abraham Lincoln and her es*ort vessels, while the far more interesting team two rushed out of Guam, led by the USS Bonhomme Richard, a marine amphibious assault carrier crammed to the gunwales with gun-toting wooden tops. And that is not all, because the Bonhomme Richard is in fact leading a veritable armada known as Expeditionary Strike Group 5 that has enough nuclear arsenals to blow the land to smithereens within the blink of the slope eyes.?

Well that could not be all right? if Americans are so well prepared? they must have caused it too right? Professor Artfinkle also has a cause for it.

Theoretically, the American 9 megaton W-53 thermonuclear warhead could easily be encased in a small'lookalike' saturation diving chamber similar to protect it from the massive 10, 000 pounds per square inch pressures at the bottom of the Sumatran Trench. The whole armored package would weigh less than five tons, allowing it to be slipped over the stern of any oil rig supply vessel, of which there are more than 300 in Asia alone. Who would even notice?

Hence proved?. I love America. Insanity rules!

Well there is of-course the garden variety reasons that you could peruse through for academic interest. These are half baked versions that could act as the muse to budding conspiracy theory mongers.

1. The US detonated a bomb so that it could provide aid to the Muslims who live along the coasts of the Indian Ocean, thereby making the Great Satan look good in the eyes of the world's Muslims(and driving down sales of OBL t-shirts in Indonesia, so two birds with one stone). which is probably true because Sri Lanka has declined any monetary support from the ICIBSS. The International Council for Irritable Bowel Syndrome Sufferers.

   
   




2. The Tsunami was caused by green aliens that lived in Mike Jordan?s colon. They were distressed because he had too many McDees burgers. It is no coincidence that the aliens also partnered with the Green peace Party and Ralph Nader to express their condemnation of McDee?s burger recipe that caused the green house effect.

   
   




3. The Tsunami would never have occurred if it was not for the atrocities committed on the Muslims in Gaza Strip. It is the work of the great Allah.

   
   




4. The Year the Earth Fought Back. Has anyone heard of the GIAI theory? Here goes from an editorial! From the NY times.

   
   

Quote:

Given these cascades of disasters past and present, one can only wonder: might there be some kind of butterfly effect, latent and deadly, lying out in the seismic world? In recent decades, thanks largely to the controversial Gaia Theory developed by the British scientists James Lovelock, it has become ever more respectable to consider the planet as one immense and eternally interacting living system - the living planet, floating in space, every part of its great engine affecting every other, for good or for ill and revolting against the great misdeeds being played out on its surface.

Well I am now very sleepy. I think I should go to bed. Bye.