Aug 17, 2005 01:55 AM
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(Updated Aug 17, 2005 01:55 AM)
Hello and welcome to the “10 lamest movies in the last 5 years” celebration. Since I already reviewed 3 bad movies of 2004, I will make it “7 bad movies” in keeping with the 7 tradition…the 7 sins, 7 days of the week, 7 continents….u get the drift.
Pyaasa:
The very name is a travesty because the late Guru Dutt made a philosophical classic that was on a different plane altogether. To have the same name and then to make such a shoddy movie, the people associated with this crap should hang themselves in shame. For crying out loud!
In brief, or should I say grief, Aftab loves Yukta Mookhey (you have to see her to believe how horrendous she looks, proves those Miss Titles are all shams!!), who loves somebody else. Yeah, big surprise there! Little wonder distributors didn’t touch this goose with a barge pole.
Albela:
This is probably what the producers thought when they set out to make this great dud. Hmm, let's see, the year is 1996 or thereabouts. Let's sign on Aishwarya, who is fresh from her Ms.World victory walk, Govinda who is riding the Number One series, Namrata who also has a Miss. India crown and for more flavor there's the ever-dependable aloo Jackie Shroff to complete this tasteless gravy!! Let's make it a meaningless quadrangle and have some foreign locales, so the junta won’t mind the bad sad story.
Tony the tourist guide (Govinda) lives in a mansion fit for a king, talks some strange illegitimate lingo....Mumbaiyya with Goan accent, I don’t know, dreams of marrying the princess (Aishwarya) who comes to town and ignores the girl that practically lives with him (Namrata). Jackie is the prince that Ash loves and is set to marry, but the lovebirds (??) will first have to overcome the filmy obstacles aka the tyrannical father (Saeed Jaffrey who hams away to glory) and the kabab-main-haddi Tony. Oh the humanity!
The movie took 5 or so years to make, so there's a lot of a physical change in the actors, especially Govinda who looks pudgier and Jackie who looks weirder. Plus all the date mix-ups led to some scenes being shot without the lead actors. So you have Govinda talking to Jackie, who is not there and Jackie’s reaction shot does not have Govinda!!!
Jaani Dushman:
Whoa, this tale about a super snake-in-human-form (an icchadari naag as film folks say) thirsting for revenge is a snake sans fangs. It's plain slimy is all. Hiss all you want, but about half the film industry makes its charitable appearance, with the exception of AB and SRK. The litany of some A-list actors is there to protect us from that monstrosity named Armaan Kohli, whose own dear daddy didn’t have enough faith in beta to relaunch him as a solo hero! Blech. The SFX in the film are a real riot.
Mother ’98 / 00:
This is not a Microsoft product, no. First it was Mother’98 since it was to be released in 1998, but it was upgraded to Mother 2000 when the release year changed to Y2K and by the end of 2000, poor Sawan Kumar Tak changed it to plain, all-purpose Mother when he realized he couldn’t release the film at all!
It’s about Mrs. Britannia (Rekha) who has an illegitimate daughter from one of the three men she meets at a bar. She is more confused about the paternity of the child than Brooke from the Bold and the Beautiful! Jeetendra, Randhir Kapoor and Rakesh Roshan are the men that our lady had one-night stands with!! Bees saal baad…….she has an 18-year old daughter…..that doesn’t add up, how come?? Anyway Sawanji doesn’t think it’s important to reveal any of it to us. God bless him!
Silsila Hai Pyaar Ka:
Take a bow, Jassi. This is your predecessor. Karisma in a “defining” role as the clumsy secretary with glasses, pigtails and tight salwars!!!! Loves classmate and later boss’ son Chandrachur, who is busy romancing hot girls by lip-syncing to plagiarized versions of “I am a Barbie girl”! (LOL). Three reels later, a made-over Karisma in Manish Malhotra designed outfits, contact lenses and lottssa attitude wins over Prince Charming.
The movie was hyped up so much because the director Shrabani Deodhar had a major Marathi hit and she was all set to give Karisma the role of a lifetime, going by their interviews! Hah!
Mela:
Where do I begin to talk about this melee?? This one had Aamir Khan and Dharmesh Darshan, the hit combo from Raja Hindustani. But this time, Dharmesh focused way too much on giving Twinkle a makeover that he completely forgot about the story. If janta is Janardhan (Lord Vishnu), then story is Sudarshan (Vishnu’s chakra).
The sets looked tacky, Twinkle looked ghoulish and Faisal Khan the other hero, looked spaced out throughout. Aamir was alright and Aishwarya’s cameo (yet again!!) didn’t help.
Yaadein:
Subhash Ghai’s much-publicized “Yaadein” laid the biggest turkey ever at the box office, and rightly so--over-acting by almost all of the lead actors, an implausible and never-ending storyline, Hrithik and Kareena, and those gobbledygook lyrics penned by our showman himself. Jackie and Hrithik are friends even when there’s a 20-something gap in their ages, rich boy Hrithik loves middle-class Kareena and Jackie is the widowed father of three daughters that has to deal with generation gap and stuff like that. Ok that’s still believable, but the serpentine routes the film takes before meandering to a conclusion, is just unbearable. Plus there is like a 20-minute plug for Shaadi.com! Give us a break, Subhashji.
There are a few more…..Mohabbatein, K3G, Dhaai Akshar Prem ke, Aishwarya’s home production (forget the name), all of Mlle. Sherawat’s movies….oh there are so many more. I am going to ask Mouthshut to come up with the 100 bad films category. But I am out of steam already, although I would love to read if some of you do decide to write!
All right then, these are my picks with help from friends at Mouthshut of course. If you have any more or if you disagree/ agree, drop by the comments section and feel free to rave, rant, vent and speak your mind!
