I can speak volumes on all these biggies listed below. But due to time constraints and space limits, I shall only offer some samples that hopefully should justify why they belong here and are the leaders in this category.
@ Pankaj Parashar ~ Chaalbaaz (was a fluke) @
# Robinhood v/s Rasputin (along with a wooing Cleopatra thrown in as bonus) / Rajkumar
Remember that shoddy seductive number starring a sulky Anil, a bulky Madhuri and a pair of Jadooi ghungaroos (??) all of which are dancing ‘zum zu zum zu zum’ on a marooned wreck? Can you recall Naseeruddin Shah’s worstest ever performance in dual roles as evil Rasputin plus his imbecile twin? Tell me honestly, will you ever forgive someone for bringing back erstwhile Nagin Reena Roy from her sabbatical?
# Son of a.. umm.. Mountain / Himalay Putra
Just when I thought nothing could get more ridiculous than being a mountain son, I see a Hema Malini bringing up her illegitimate in some fruit orchards (within flat 15 minutes) and no wonder Akshaye khanna is just throwing apples at bimbo Zaveri for the rest of the movie (around 180 minutes).
And should I even mention anything about amnesiac Salman of Tum ko na bhool payenge?
@ Feroze Khan ~ Mad Cow(boy) diseased @
# Brutally murder Maniratnam’s original masterpiece Nayakan / Dayavan
Vinod Khanna opposite his daughter aged Madhuri Dixit *Haiyya Ho
2 reels of smoochy voochy bathing scenes of a grandpa and his newly wed *Haiyya Ho
Himself playing a cameo of Koli fisherman with a foreign returned accent *Haiyya Ho
After 3 hrs of senseless proceedings n mindless direction, the audience goes *Aiyyay Yo
# Love Fire / Prem Aggan
An automaton son (again having a Siberia-returned accent) along with a sore-throated cockatiel (with a cocker spaniel accent) prompt audience to set themselves ablaze in a fiery fire.
And from his stables are Jaanbaaz, Janasheen.. next one perhaps will be Jaanleva for audience.
@ Satish Kaushik ~ Southern Spice, Ramoji Filmcity style @
# Ctrl C + Ctrl V superhit telugu movie / Mujhe kuch kehna hein
This is the person responsible for inflicting upon the already eKta harassed poor us with another Neanderthal species Tusshar. This is the person that gave Kareena her first hit thereafter which she is hitting upon all ceilings. This is the person who cast the even otherwise an international behenji Rinkie Khanna in a real typecast behenji role again.. how much third degree treatment can the audience take?
# Again, Ctrl C + Ctrl V superhit telugu movies / all Anil Kapoor starrers
Rishtey, Hum aapke dil mein rehte hein, Roop ki Rani Choron ka Raja.. someone continue please.
And whatever had we done to him that he subjected us to that utter torture called “Prem”???
@ Guddu Dhanoa ~ Axe Effect – Deo(l) over sprayed @
# Messed up Crappy Mesh/ Jaal, the Trap
Picture this: A jobless wannabe pop star Sunny Deol (Rofl) twisting his ankles and knees moaning “Indian, Indian, sher dil Indian” is becharmed by a flowing white duppatta that covers his face (twice) making him fall off the bike while riding, so he ends up being in love with Tabu. And then suddenly there are Border clashes and pop! the jobless star is now a Military Man bashing 8-10 intruders using his 2.5 kilo each biceps.
# Repugnant Gas Leak / Hawa
A ghastly Tabu is raped by a deadly ghost ?!! I really feel so sorry for the ghost.. tsk! tsk!!
Non-Deolers: Elaan, Tu chor main sipahi, Aflatoon; More Deols in Bichhoo, Salakhen, Shaheed March 13th something..
@ David Dhawan ~ Comic tragedies @
# Peeping Toms and Skirt lifting Babes / Aankhen
Govinda and Chunkey Pandey singing ‘Lal Duppattewali’.. Hahahaha
Ritu Shivpuri and Raageshwari squinting and coquettish.. Hahahahaha
Second Govinda sandwiched between Shilpa Shirodkar and Guddi Maruti singing ‘khet gaye baba, bazaar gayi maa’.. Hahahaha.
Did I mention I am going through laughter therapy classes to control my anger and rage?
# Big B Small G / Bade miyan Chote miyan
Big B passing off as 25+ something shaking booty with thundering thighs Femme Fatale Rambo err.. Ramya Krishna. Yes, everything about it was Bada. Then there is Chi chi Govinda cootchie cooing with Ravan err.. I mean Raveena Tandon in hotels and discos. Cho Cheewt.
DD’s comedy show continues in Gharwali Baharwali, Eena Meena Deeka, Bol Radha Bol and all ridiculous no.1s
My head is reeling badly recalling each one of these gems. I have no patience left to continue this review. But definitely my top 5 favourites under this category will be:
- Subash Ghai ~ The Show-off Man
Yaadein, Taal, Pardes..
- Dharmesh Darshan ~ Deranged Relationships
Mela, Haan Maine bhi Pyaar Kiya, Dhadkan..
- Aditya Chopra ~ Diehard (Don)quixotic
DDLJ, Mohabbatein..
- Sooraj Bharjatya ~ Family (ec)centric
MPK, HAHK, HSSH, MPKDH, AH.. (ok, I made up that last one.. figure out for yourself)
and taraparappara.. blow the trumpets for..
- Karan Johar ~ All about loving homos.. err.. homes
KKHH, KKKG, KHNH..
Also, I do not have enough words or talent to express anything about the resplendent works of certain other directors who are leagues apart and in a class of their own. However, some honourable mentions shall include TLV Prasad and hoards of other Tollywood ones like Raghavendra Rao, Bappaiya, Puri Jagannath Rao etc., Dev Anand, Sawan Kumar Tak, Ramsay Brothers, K.C.Bokadia, Mehul Kumar and so on.
Jai Ho Bollywood!
